adventures of my artistic heart

Liewe Oupa/Dear Grandpa

2012-01-03T06:25:00.000-08:00

I miss you so much.
My heart can't stop missing you...

My head still thinks you are waiting back home.

My mind's eye still sees you sitting in your blue chair.

LORD help me to get through this...

down...

2011-10-13T07:51:00.001-07:00

I am down. As in...joining King David in the depths of his despair. Many reasons for feeling so:

A few weeks ago (almost a month) my grandfather - who for all intents and purposes was my dad...passed away. This caught me WAY off guard. I always thought he would be around forever. He was going to be the one to walk me (with the help of my grandmother) down the aisle. I wanted to (oneday) introduce my future husband to him to ask for my hand... I spent hours reading English books to my granddad or telling him stories i collected from around the world. He in return taught me about Jesus and about prayer and about loving people around me. Now he is gone. I went home for the funeral. (Arrived the Tuesday and left again the Sunday). But i didnt really get time to process. No time for myself to sit in a corner and cry my heart out. My heart is truly aching...I have these bursts of crying - just the tip of the iceberg and i fear the day i hit the Titanic!

Add to that the parents divorce. During the funeral time i had the 'joy' (sarcastic sprinkels added to that joy) of living in the same house as my parents. This was one of the coldest places i have been. No emotion. No love...nothing. I felt like a pawn in a sick and twisted game of chess.

Then i come back to the ship and i need to take care of my job. I dont want to dissapoint anyone. My new job (and the main reason for me not blogging for so long) has consumed most of my time lately. I am working with a big team to put on the onboard events and to send out onshore teams. A big and complicated team...

I feel overwhelmed....i AM overwhelmed and in this state i have turned to my old comforting friend: food. After all the work and effort i put in. I have relapsed. I cant stop. I need help. I need support...i need someone to grab me by the shoulders - hug me (not let me go) until i cry my heart out. But i know myself. I will never be open with the people that will go that far. I will continue to put on this mask of strength and collected-ness (i know it is not a word) and save the honesty for the evenings when i cry myself to sleep.

I am drowning in this sea of emotion, in this tornado of craving, in this storm of mourning and i need you to pray...

in my angered state...

2011-07-14T10:49:00.001-07:00

It is close to midnight.
My good intention is now overshadowed by the anger that is swimming in my heart.
How dare people judge my parents?
I am not stupid.
I know what the Bible says about divorce.
But I grew up in that house.
I listened to those fights.
I heard my mom cry.
I saw my dads empty face.
I was a witness…

Yes, they both hurt.
Not just my mom.
Not just my dad.
They BOTH hurt.
Do you hear me?
BOTH!
There were two people in that relationship.
One left it years ago and later filed for a divorce.
Now they blame the one who tried to fight.
The one who tried to make it work.
The one who gave up and later died a slow emotional death.

You…the one who thinks you know what this is about.
You…stop!
Stop judging what you do not understand.
You are driving people away.
Stop throwing your stones of doubt in my heart.
I get enough of that from the pitchfork man.
And once and for all…
STOP DOING THIS and saying it is in Jesus’ Name.

Jesus is here!!
He knows more than you do.
His heart is hurting – just like mine.
Yes, He condemns it.
But lucky for me and my parents:
He died for this on the Cross too…

Artwork - part 3

2011-07-08T05:09:00.000-07:00

Progress…

This divorce is hurting. And I am not even one of the people getting the divorce. It breaks my heart to see what my parents are going through. I HATE IT!

PS: My camera is dying…so the pictures are getting worse. Hope you can still see the detail!

'if you could only see' - parts 1 & 2

2011-07-03T02:10:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to blog for over a week now. Many things have entered my mind and many blog entries wrote themselves in my head. I have also had a pressing artwork in mind for a long time now. Last night I sat down (after ‘watching’ the stormers lose on Beeld updates) and started the piece. It is entitled…’if you could see into my heart’.

It is still in pieces. The drawing of the shirt is the top layer. The ‘whole’ will be cut out and be like a window. Through this ‘window’ you will then see the second picture…the read one. For some reason it looks like there is a fire on my dad’s head. This drawing is not done yet. It is supposed to look like a broken piece. Once it is completed, I will post it too.

My sister is swine-symptoms free! Thanks for praying! Please keep the parents in your prayer – it is not civil any more!

I don't know why I do it.

2011-06-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

Yes I am avoiding you.
No its not because I have changed my mind.
Tomorrow I will speak to you.
Wait…
No, I am too nervous. Didn’t you see my almost spill my tea when you said ‘Hey’ at lunch?
Prayer night?
Yes I was there.
I wanted to go over there and pray for you but my courage couldn’t lift me off my chair.
I stayed in my seat and prayed – long distance.
Maybe it is just all in my head since you havent said a word…

And in other news…
My little and only sister (who I refer to as C) has been diagnosed with ‘Swine flu symptoms’. When I read the email I shook my head. I have two options. Pull a JOB (the one in the Bible, not job as in work) or pull a HABAKUK (surprisingly you didn’t confuse that one!). I can sit in a heap and cry ‘o God why me, this year sucked’ or I can stand up and shout at the top of my lungs ‘Yet I will praise the LORD…’ I am choosing option B. I know God has a reason for this. I pray that He will meet her there, in her bed and reach her heart. Please pray with me.

Oorwinning!

2011-06-08T04:04:00.001-07:00

This is the word we use in Afrikaans for when someone has beaten something. Maybe conquer is the better word. Or victory…Well you get the point. I just returned from Ship shop. (our onboard shop that is stacked full of yummy chocolate, cookies, Pringles and so many other delicious goodies.) I went up there to get a snack. By snack I mean the healthier option – nuts. First I stopped by my accountable friend to see if she was available to go to the ship shop with me, but she was busy. I had to do this on my own. So I climbed all twelve stairs and turned right at the top. Then as short left. As soon as I got to deck 7 I ducked into the Library and decided to get another book to read. I was stalling. I drew courage from somewhere (has to be Jesus because I prayed about food and my problems with it just last night – and He knows my heart). So I walked up to the not-too-friendly-ship-shop girl and asked her for a bag of peanuts and a small packet of Doritos. Then I reversed and ran down the stairs before the chocolate voices reached my ears.

So here I am sitting in my office without chocolate. Oorwinning! Victory! Beaten! Yay!

31 + 4 = -1(12)

2011-06-04T00:52:00.001-07:00

For the last 35 days I have been challenging my eating habits. I have failed a few times and given in to the cake (Sunday is cake day!) but only had ‘pre-planned’ chocolate 3 times. I am feeling so good about myself at the moment and I hope that this lifestyle will not fade. I will try my best to keep going. To date I have lost a total of 12 kilograms (not all of it during the 35 days, a bit before) and I am keeping track I still have 36 weeks to go. (The chart where I keep track allows for 40 weeks). Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. Once we leave this port where restrictions keep us from walking in the morning (the quayside is slippery – I fell already) we will get back to exercising.

Now that I am taking not thinking so much about the food anymore, I hope to focus on my spiritual life as well. This morning I read a verse that blew my mind. It is in Psalm 17 the very last verse. It says:

¹⁵ As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness;
I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.

I was talking to one of my friends about this yesterday…I don’t want to be satisfied with my spiritual walk until I reach heaven… Watch this space. God is working!

Testing the soapbox

2011-05-28T03:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got on my soapbox and preached perseverance. An hour later mine was tested. I was 2 seconds away from failing were it not for the blessing of friends.

Lately I have been emailing my sister quite regularly. She is stuck in the middle of this divorce with no one to turn to. (God is there…I keep telling her). She is not taking it well. I listened to the stories drenched in pain. My heart started to ache and I just couldn’t take it anymore. To make matters worse, I was asked to share a short message to a group of teens about ‘family’. How can I share about that when mine is such a shining example of not being one! I stared at the blank page for 2 hours. Got up to go ask a question to my friend and broke down in her office instead.

I am going through such a big thing at the moment. God has been doing some amazing things in my life and I would like to share it with them. But how can I share joy to people who can only see the empty glass? They are not ready for it. I cried because they are three people going through the exact same thing and they are not talking to each other. I cried because my mom and sister no longer talk to each other. They were once inseparable. I cried because they all hurt so much and they are running in the wrong directions…O LORD HELP THEM PLEASE!

At the end of the day I had to go and babysit one of my dearest little friends. She is three years old and possibly on of the cutest little girls alive! It was here that I realised the point of the message I was to give the next day. As I sat there next to her playing with magical wooden blocks constructing kitty-baths, I was amazed at how much she felt like family. (okay so for some of you this might be a ‘duh’ moment but my family history aint the brightest Manet-painting – more like a Jackson Pollock). This time with Tessa was great. It lifted my spirit and gave me hope…

So today I just finished the message. It was one of the most terrifying experiences I have lived through. Thirty seven youth between the ages of 13 – 17! But we connected and I hope and pray that they got the point… I praise the LORD for giving me this opportunity. As a very wise friend said afterward: “It is now in God’s Hands”.

what a deurmekaar spul!

2011-05-26T22:43:00.000-07:00

I started this post yesterday.
Today I am wearing a trophy. I am wearing a shirt that was too small a month ago. I know because it is one of my favourite shirts and it did not fit when I desperately tried it on a month ago. But today…today it fits. I didn’t even have to jump off my closet to fit it in it! J No vacuum packing here! I fit in and I still have room for aircon! So far I have lost around 10kgs. I fear that all those kilograms were stored around my waist as that is the area that was previously vacuum packed! No longer…

But still…
Still I have this tendency to give up. On day 22 of the change-of-life I was off. I ate a whole packet of peanuts and justified it by saying ‘it is healthier than chocolate’! Yeah right! That night I was sickened at how quickly I gave in. I decided then and there that I do not want to be “the one that came so close but then gave up”. So I plucked out my food journal and started to map out the next few weeks. I was determined to be strong. To see this through. To not give up. Until…
06:00 am and we were supposed to be on the quayside already! But Caroline was not there. She is the one that sets the pace and keeps the time. In some institutions she is the warden. Here she is the friend with rights…Rights to refuse me chocolate. Rights to tell me to stop eating. Rights to push me when I want to give up. This morning she was not there. I was not going to wake her up. That is something you are not allowed to do. Its like voluntarily jumping in with piranhas! (Not that she is one – but I would never risk my life like that! Plus she has warned many not to go there…) I wanted to give up. I wanted to go to bed. But I was determined to walk. But not to determined. In my sinful giving up mode I was set on only walking for 30 minutes if it even got that far. But Bethany (with a 50% knee – because its hurting) had other plans. We walked for 40 minutes. No Warden…I felt so proud of us since we did walk even though it is not our favourite thing to do. And we managed to do it without Caroline! ( I like her – my point is just that I had to ‘prove’ that I was not going to give up!)
PLUS:
My heart is soaring. Captain Jack Sparrow recently described it as ‘stirrings’. I do not know how I can be this honest in this email/post yet not be so honest with the people I need to be. Long story…
And not to mention:
In spite of all the good things happening in my life right now, home is still where my pain lies. The issues back home are just a mess. I feel like a pawn in a very VERY sick and twisted version of chess. (This is where the idea for the artwork started). I am in the middle of everything. My dad hurts. I hear it. My mom hurts. I hear it. My sister hurts. I hear it. I hurt…they can’t see it. I trust that God will sort out this issue. I honestly do. When it gets tougher and I want to cry more, I have to remind myself that God WILL use this for His glory. When I want to give up, I need to remind myself (as God recently taught me) to just put one foot in front of the other and march on. He has got my back! He will take care of me, my heart and my family.

PS: Deurmekaar spul translates to ‘mess’ but that is just too strong a word for my life now.

new art!

2011-05-25T19:18:00.000-07:00

So i had to get this out...this is about the divorce, the feeling and the family. The picture is not the best quality. I will upload a better one later. Enjoy the day!

a cry for comfort

2011-05-13T03:51:00.000-07:00

All I want to do right now is eat chocolate.

I am angry.

I am semi-depressed.

I am seeking comfort.

This has not been the most joyful day and I desperately want to go lay in the arms of my duvet.

Lack of sleep is definitely playing a role.

My love for chocolate has been tested twice already.

I fear I am not strong enough to resist this.

It doesn’t help me that you are telling me it is okay to eat chocolate because it is not.

It doesn’t help me that you offer me cookies and popcorn and cake…I don’t need it, I need Jesus.

It doesn’t help that I am feeling this low…

LORD give me strength please…

Help me to resist and flee from temptation.

Help me to love my neighbours even when they cause me to work double as hard because they were sleeping in a meeting weeks ago.

Please help me be joyful LORD…I can only hear the chocolate calling and the muscles aching…

LORD help me!

One thing I am sure of, two I regret...

2011-05-12T03:11:00.000-07:00

Update time.
I am on day 12 of the challenge…and I am being challenged - there is no question of that. Yesterday morning I got up at 05:30 in order to be ready at 06:00 to go walking. Yes…that early because I couldn’t sleep as the excitement was just too much. (But I will deny that if someone asks!) So at 06:00 we met in the lobby and marched down the gangway, out the port gate, along the seashore. It was such a beautiful walk. I was listening to some worship music and appreciated seeing God’s handiwork up close. The ocean was vicious as the waves crashed against the rocks. The sky changed colour every other minute. Every step was different. I walked, full throttle (!), for the whole hour. Yesterday around 16:00 I started to regret that decision. This brings me to my Biblically inspired title. This is the first of my regrets. Today I am not puffing up the stairs…I am moaning! Every step hurts! To be honest the regret will not last long. I feel alive, energetic and healthy. (Again I will deny this if anyone asks!) And the big part…I did not die!!! J

The second regret comes in the form of a decision I made. I have recently had a batch of honest water or something. I can’t seem to keep things in anymore and I feel the need to be truthful. This can be dangerous! So I confronted a friend last night. We have been joking around for months and my magnet heart decided to get attached. Before it stuck I wanted to make sure that this was serious and not a joke. So I, Liezel, the shy non-confrontational soul, invited him for coffee last night. (I got permission from the ‘authorities’ onboard to have this chat.) So there I was, beating around the bush for one minute and then cut to the chase. As soon as the words left my mouth he was paged and called away. GREAT! The gentleman that he is, told me that this (conversation) was important, but he needed to go because the barge with the freshwater was alongside. DOUBLE GREAT! (Background: Freshwater delivery has been very bad here. We have had periods without freshwater and sometimes wondering when the next shower would be. So yes…this was more important). He promised to go and connect the hose and then return to finish the conversation. I sat there. Alone. Only my thoughts to keep me company. I started to write some poetry in my head. (I’ve fallen in love with this form of expression lately!) An eternity later someone told me that there was telephone for me. It was him. I had to go down to the bunker station so we could continue this conversation there. I went even though everything in me yelled ‘ABORT!! ABORT’ I was a woman on a mission and nothing was going to stop me…
So there we sat. The shy girl and the gentleman. We talked and talked for another eternity. To make a very long theatrical story short, he just wanted to be friends. The comments were just jokes – he meant nothing by that. (Calm down bruised heart.) We talked some more and decided to get to know each other better. But the damage had been done. From now on it would just be ‘awkward’. I hate awkward. (Hence the FB status!) If I wanted awkward I would go home and have tea with both my parents, at the same time, in the same room!

The third part…the thing that I am sure of is that this season is the challenging one. The oven to my clay. The storm to my ark. The fire to my samurai sword. It is not as easy as it looks. I have had moments of failure when I just wanted to feel better and convinced myself that the box of Turkish delight would do it. (Like last night after the conversation. I was happy to have defined our friendship but sad at the awkwardness that lay ahead). I am finding it hard to stay true to my new ideals. I am not on a diet. I am simply evaluating what I am eating and my reasons for doing so. Like now…I am hungry, sad and frustrated. The hunger suggests that I eat something. Valid point. But the sadness and the frustration is driving me to find comfort in the arms of the nice smelling cookie. (I have not given in yet…and I pray LORD that You will help me overcome this.) Through this challenge I want to crave God. I want to desire Him and His love like I desire and crave the cookie, like I desire the love of my ‘lewensmaat’ who is out there…

So friends…this is day 12.

Hi my name is Liezel...I am 27 and I puff!

2011-05-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

I am on day 10 of the challenge. Today’s challenge is the one that scares me most. Exercise…

In the past I used to go for a power walk every other morning at 06:00. That was about 2 years ago. Ages…Now, two years later I am unfit, overweight and I puff! I puff!! Like some old lady climbing a mountain. I AM 27 YEARS OLD AND I PUFF! O dear…

I fear a heart attack because of the unfit state I find myself in. I fear that tomorrow you will be reading my headstone: ‘Hear lies Liezel, she puffs no more’. But I fear in vain. God sees my puffing heart and knows that I am doing this in order to honour Him with a healthy heart and body.

I have walking shoes, 2 friends to keep me accountable and a will to start with this tomorrow morning!

So dear friends, if you happen to be awake at 06:00 tomorrow morning, pray that my puffing will not be the end of me…

Relapse...

2011-05-07T02:14:00.001-07:00

I’m in a foul mood today.

Sunshine has been replaced by thunder.

A smile with a frown.

Good intentions with chocolate.

I should run away.

Run away from the stress!

Run away from the anger!

Run away from the chocolate in my drawer!?

NO!

I should get over it and face this challenge head on.

I should ask God to help me overcome this.

I should stop typing this email/post and just go pray…

Confessions of a soon-to-be-reformed comfort eater

2011-05-04T23:21:00.000-07:00

Confession time…

I always prided myself on being a comfort eater. It is not the best thing to be proud of! Over the last few days God has brought me to the point where I see it (comfort eating) for what it is, sin. It took me a lifetime to get here. Seriously. I have been on almost every diet South Africa has to offer. I have had the drops you add to tea that takes your appetite away. Did the high protein diet where I lost 30 kgs for the Matric Farewell (and gained it slowly over the next 2 years). I have starved myself to the point of fainting because I believed that that is what the world finds attractive. Skinny, hungry ladies who look good in kids sized dresses. Being a people pleaser did not help. It took one old gentlemen in my church to push me over the edge. Coming back from Doulos after she was decommissioned (very emotional time=comfort eating) he turned to me and said: “Wow…you have gained a LOT of wait”. I didn’t eat for the next week…well I did, but it was 5 provitas in the morning, and 5 in the evening.

As I looked at the pictures of our break I was disgusted at what I saw. How did I let this get SO out of hand? I started thinking back and realised where it had gone wrong. It started on furlough 2008. There was a guy I was totally in love with. Yes…part of the story has to include the truth. Before I left the ship, I asked him what he wanted from my home country. He answered ‘just bring back yourself’. These words sent my heart racing and inspired a very beautiful artwork. Weeks into my time at home I got a phone call from my bestest friend explaining that he is in a relationship with another girl onboard. (we call it SP…long story). I remember talking with her for a few more minutes, then running to the fridge once we said goodbye. From there my eating habits changed. How else was I to mend my very shattered heart? I tore up the artwork. (picture attached) Even after venting through pencil I did not feel better. I turned to the open arm of my trusted kelvinator fridge. When my stomach was full, I was happy. While eating I was so enthralled by the tastes that my mind did not turn to my aching heart. I was distracted…it lasted 3 times a day. Add the cupboard raids in-between meals and you have trouble.

I returned to the ship and avoided my friend. It only lasted so long because he was such a good friend and I did not want to lose him because of my little crush (which was not so little!). To make a long story short I did eventually get over the ‘not-so-little’ crush. My friend is getting married soon to one of the most precious ladies I know and I am so happy for them.

Fast forward to the end of Doulos and another eating frenzy begins. I still have not really dealt with the hundreds of goodbyes and the many many tears I wanted to cry but didn’t. The Doulos has been my home for 4 years. I found friendship and acceptance there. God taught me so many lessons there… I also found Carl’s Jr, KFC, MacDonald’s and the Singaporean food court during those last months. Once back in South Africa I was confronted with the issues back home and found comfort in Cadbury, Fritos, Fanta, pizza and many other non-rice dishes. The story goes on and on…

Saturday night I was reading the daily encouragement that is sent out by one of my newly discovered websites. (http://www.crosswalk.com/) Up to that point I had been crying about my weight and making jokes in an attempt for others not to make fun of me. Sort of beating them to the chase. I wanted to change, I wanted to turn to God. I wanted Him to fill the holes in my little life. I didn’t want to run to food to fill my desires, wait for a husband to fill those holes or find comfort in unhealthy or unbalanced friendships. I wanted God. I needed God. I was in need of help. At the bottom of that day’s encouragement I found a link to a website that I believe will change my life. This lady writing it had similar struggles. ( http://madetocrave.org/) I signed up to the 21 day challenge. I want God to be the One I crave. The One I turn to when life is throwing stones at me. (This has been happening way too often lately!) I am on day 5 of the challenge and I have discovered many truths as I reflected on the daily challenge.

1) I can not blame anyone for my weight. I am the one that let it get out of hand.

2) I am overweigh physically and underweight spiritually

3) God made me for more than this failure…

4) I have to turn to the Truth in the moment my cravings tempt me.

5) God will help me through this.

So friends, please pray for me as I seek God in these cravings. Pray that I will seek God when life gets to hard to handle…

Break day one

2011-04-29T23:02:00.000-07:00

I just returned from the most action packed break I have ever had.

Below is a few stories and attached are some pictures to help along the imagination.

On the 22^nd of April, Caroline and I departed from the ship (still in Dry Dock) to go and meet Lenhert and Eileen at the train station. At that point, all I knew was that we were meeting at the train station and eventually we would make our way down to Galle. So at 0945 we caught the train up to Hatton. I had now idea about Hatton and I had no idea what was in store. We did not even have any accommodation booked on the other side! On the train, we were booked into third class tickets. (In Sri Lanka that is the best, in South Africa it’s the other way around). I made some friends with a bunch of 10 year olds who couldn’t stop staring. So I started taking pictures of them hanging out the window and they in turn to pictures of me on their phones. Once I showed them we talked a bit about South Africa (and our embarrassing display at the recent CWC), the rice paddies and what they were doing on the train. (It was Easter weekend so they headed up to spend it with family).

I loved being on the train. It brought back SO MANY memories from when I was a child. [Our family used to catch the ‘sleep train’ and head to the coast for the weekend. We did this about 3 times I can remember and it was always a highlight.] Sitting on this train made me miss my dad so much. He loves trains so I spent the majority of the day taking pictures of random train bits. J I hope to mail this to him so he can see this too.

The closer we got to Hatton (located in the ‘Hill Country’) the cooler it got. Some of the pictures attached shows the beautiful clouds we saw that day. Travelling with Lenhert naturally meant that it would NOT be dull at all. He was hanging out the train pulling faces – being Lenhert. J Once we arrived in Hatton the rain poured down and we were stuck at the train station. Lonely planet (affectionately known now as LP) helped us identify some places to stay. We had a taxi driver with other ideas. Eventually out of desperation and tiredness (the train ride took around 6 hours) we booked into the first place we came across that had empty beds. MISTAKE! This place was not the cleanest, best place. We spent the next 6 hours playing cards and in-between taking a break to have the biggest plate of rice this side of Taiwan! During this 6 hour card-a-thon I was able to learn the art of shuffling from the master herself. Caroline took me under her wing and helped to learn this much needed skill. J At around 23:00 that evening we went up to our rooms to spend the night shivering in bed. Yes…it was cold. We came prepared for the hot weather we were experiencing in Colombo…not the cold Hatton weather. Since this hotel/motel/inn is situated so close to the railway station sleep was constantly interrupted by the sound of speeding trains and unsafe busses. What a short night! Add to that the mosquitoes and we have ourselves a guaranteed night of sleeplessness!

Day two to follow

Part 2_It is hard

2011-04-16T05:02:00.000-07:00

Since posting part one i have been wanting to write about this subject. Yes, dry dock life is hard. I sweat more in this dry dock time than what i do combined the rest of the year. There is no aircon which means i stick to the desk. The paper sticks to me, my shirt sticks to me everything sticks to something. My skin is so irritated by the constant dampness that it is borderding on the heatrash others are experiencing. But this is not really what i wanted to post about. For the past few days i have been in a foul mood. My job is creating more stress than blessing and i am getting to the point where i just do not care. I am sad at the fact that i can cruise along on auto-pilot very easily. Yesterday after fighting in my head with some biLastg shots, i was ready to pack my bags and go. They want to do my job for me...i say let them. They think they can do it better...great. I vented, i shared with my very humble and patient leader how i felt. Last night i heared some bad/sad news last night. It breaks my heart that i can not be at home to comfort my sister, or cry with my mother or even just sit with them. They are going through this all by themselves and i am here...far away. To make matters worse my heart is silent...no art not inspiration...just silent. This afternoon during our daily lunch time devotion, the ship's doctor had an opportunity to lead it. He shared about the making of a sumo sword. As i listened it became clear what he was getting at. The steel needed to go through all the tough times in order to become the sword. Then he said some words that changed my outlook on the whole 'difficulty' issues. "Don't waste your sorrows." It is so true. I was here sitting and regretting all teh pain i had gone through during this VERY trying and difficult year. Now, after hearing this message (which i had heard from so many other speakers in different forms) i am looking at all the sorrows seeing how God is using them to help me. He is growing me. I do not always understand why it is happening...dont think i need to...now i can just take comfort (again) in the fact that God will use these sorrows to create the mother of all artworks with my life. Pray that i will not waste my sorrows by becoming despondent, depressed or swing into the moody bunch that always complain. I want to be joyous, even when the fire comes!

Part 1_it is hot!

2011-04-13T05:26:00.001-07:00

Firstly...i have blogged in my head so many times the last 2 weeks! And it frustrates me so much that none of those posts made it onto the blog! Oi! Proof that i am not a finisher. One day i will be! Watch this space! Secondly...it is hot. Not just the 'i-am-hot-lets-get-a-fan' deal. No! The extreme one. The type where if i stay seated long enough, i might need a rag to wipe up my pool of sweat that accumulated under the chair. Excuse the bluntness (is that even a word?) of this post. I just need to vent somewhere and then it will be all better. Okay...not really but i dont want to be the person whining infront of the big guys who do all kinds of hard working stuff. Oh, wait. Did i even mention that it is Dry Dock time again? Yes. The ship is out of water. We are sitting on the blocks at the moment. The aircon is shut down (oh how i miss her sweet whispers!) and the pleasant clean smell has been replaced with the constant smell of sweat. I have much to report: I finished 2 pieces recently. A sketch of a sumo wrestler (for the games night on friday) and a painting of a jar for some friends. So much for the 'artwork per day' deal. Life just exploded... I spent most of yesterday in a van with an introvert (like myself), a sleepy French guy and a quiet American. We left at 06:30 and returned around 22:45. Had no breakfast, no lunch and no dinner...we did have 3 cups of sweet Sri Lankan tea and about 13 hours worth of thinking time. Wait, i need to go. I am hungry and it is supper time...

tatters

2011-03-25T01:30:00.000-07:00

So there I was, sitting in the prayer night. I was praying that God would show me the state of my heart. We haven’t really done that since Doulos. I would go into every prayer night and draw what God showed me. Sometimes about myself, sometimes about other things. Mostly things I needed to work on. Last night as I sat there, this picture above is what God showed me. My heart is in many different pieces…in tatters. It is hanging all over the place where everyone can see. He is the only One that can mend it…

Standing up

2011-03-23T23:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was by far, the worst day of my life. After months of anger and trying to get over this divorce-that-is-still-pending, I finally managed to phone my dad. (On my birthday a few weeks ago– so I showed up to a surprise party with puffy eyes…yes I cried! Wouldn’t you?) His sister decided that the new contact meant I was part of the mud-slinging and tried to recruit me to her corner. She had written a message to me on facebook and this was automatically forwarded to my email. I came to my office, opened my email and was overwhelmed. I had no words, no breath. I went to get tea (me running away from the email) and experienced some sort of a mini-panic attack. There was shortness of breath, fear and as soon as I got back to my office, tears. I cried so much that my eyes were puffy and red within minutes. This email was meant to provoke some sort of a response and it did.
I dried my tears, stopped crying and then went to pray with friends as we do every morning at 09:00. I managed to keep it together until the team leader started to pray. He prayed that God would help us through whatever it is we are facing. The tears started again and soon one tissue just didn’t cut it anymore. He finished the prayer and opened the door to leave. I bolted for the door and went looking for someone I could share with in confidence. I went to my boss’ office. (He would prefer that I rather call him Leader as boss is not all that positive) So I went to my leader’s office in hopes to get some wisdom or hear what to do. Praise the LORD that his wife (and a good friend to me) was there at that moment…
I grabbed her arm and asked her if she has a minute. She had two minutes. Back in my office (5 steps from the other one) I cried and spilled my burnt beans. She knows a bit about the family situation so I could share all the details of the upsetting email with her. She prayed for me…What a good and much needed prayer.
Throughout the day the email sat in my inbox staring at me. Last night after a battle of a day, I went to bed tired and wanting to cry. Hey…I am a girl, if I didn’t cry I would be worried! After the tiring day, I was surprised that I couldn’t sleep. I got back up, logged on to facebook. (With the slow connection it took 5 attempts to get to the message) and then I responded. For the first time in my life, I did not care about the other person’s feelings. I had to protect my heart. It was me or her. My heart or her revenge. So I wrote the most direct email I have ever written (I honestly do not remember writing something like this before). Afterward my heart was less heavy, my backbone a bit stronger (it has been growing) and peace was heading back. I was standing up…for me.

I wish...

2011-03-23T01:17:00.000-07:00

(I was emotional when I wrote this…still am. The picture is not that great. Not one of my best but I needed to get it out of my head and on to paper. Maybe something better will come from this. Watch this space)

This is what the text says:

i wish i could just close my eyes...
open it...
and be back in the place where things are normal,
where family are civil,
where loved ones don’t judge,
Instead i am here
away from all the pain
yet suffocating in it
i am here
where sad thoughts cloud my joy
and loneliness crowd my heart
i am away
i am afraid
i am all Yours...

Instead of anger...inspiration

2011-03-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

I wrote a few days ago that I feel that I am being picked on…I know now…I have been struggling in this job since the day I said yes! Recently I have been crying more and more and even wrote a few ‘resignation’ letters. Today as someone made yet another comment that was a low blow. I take pride in my work. I might not be the best administrator, or the best ‘on-top-of-everything’ person, but I LOVE supporting my friends on assignment. They appreciate the support. It is the ship’s people that upset my heart so much.

So I am choosing to focus on things that inspire me:

Here is a list of 10:

10) Funky business cards, letterheads, flyers…any printed matter.

9) People’s faces. There are some faces with so much ‘character’ (directly translated from my mother tongue) that I always feel the need to grab a pencil and start drawing.

8) Google images. It’s amazing! The other day I searched for some ‘autumn skies’ pictures and another world opened up. I recently came across an amazing blog and this has lead to my ‘daily art/doodle’ posts!

7) Music. Some songs just get into my bones and drive me to create new art pieces. My favourite one at the moment is one by Keane “The frog prince”. Others include any U2 song, Coldplay, Lifehouse, Just Jinjer (SA band – check them out…SO GOOD!) oh and do not forget Jesus Culture (another awesome band); Joe Niemand (Also SA) and Phil Whickham.

6) Books…mmmm…two words: Ted Dekker. Most of his books are so inspiring. I love the circle! Some Francine Rivers titles also make it onto the list.

5) Graffiti. Some say that this is defacing public property but they obviously do not know talent when they see it. (Sorry if you think it is not art). I have been intrigued by this art form since driving through Auckland NZ in 2008 and seeing some beautiful pieces around. Amazing…

4) Art Shops. There is something about new pencils, new brushes, fresh paint, blank canvasses, new sketchbooks and pens that just make me want to grab supplies and lock myself up in a place where I can paint to my heart’s content! I got a voucher for my birthday. I had to spend it at an art shop and literally spent an hour there looking through everything. I left the shop with masking fluid, fine liners, gouache paper and new brushes. J I have been painting almost every day this week!

3) Movies: Moulin Rouge, Gladiator, Step Up, Avatar, Ever After, A-team, Alice in Wonderland, The Proposal, Paparazzi, Pirates of the Caribbean…man any ABOVE THE BELT movie done in good taste. J

2) Other artworks…enough said.

1) God…this is not an attempt to be spiritual or anything. Have you seen the sunsets? Rainbows? Thunder and Lightning? New Zealand??????????????? South Africa???? The open seas???? Amazing? And I get to be creative in my little pieces, trying to capture a bit of this awesomeness.

(Posted via email. And the picture is just me having some fun)

14 March 2011

2011-03-14T23:34:00.000-07:00

I like this one more

Double doodle!

2011-03-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

So I am trying hard to keep this blog running. J

Thanks to one of the best birthday gifts ever (not exaggerating…I have never received such a great and inspiring birthday gift before) I am inspired and encouraged to be arty again. J

My ‘daily artwrok’ for the 11^th has carried over and I am STILL busy with it. Luckily today I had the opportunity to sit in training and needed something to help keep my concentrate. These pieces are the result. ( I still have to add some final gold touches) One more then the project is almost complete. Then I need to send it half way around the world! Any advice on posting paintings???

Doodle for 11 March

2011-03-11T21:23:00.000-08:00

Okay so this is a bit more than a doodle. J

It is a gift to someone who is such an inspiration to me.

Two more will follow once I complete this one.

Watch this space. It will come soon!

(I like this posting via email…)

doodles so far

2011-03-11T02:54:00.000-08:00

So as promised,

Here are some of the projects I am thinking about. (note the many incomplete ones!)

latest projects

2011-03-11T00:44:00.000-08:00

So I have been inspired by an amazing blog lately. In it, the lady shares about her struggles in finishing personal artworks, she shows some of it and posts some links to other artists as well. I felt so convicted. I know God has gifted me with a creative spirit. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that I am an artist because there are so many people out there who are more talented than I am. But I am so grateful for the talents God has given me.

As a result of reading the blog, I decided to follow her example and make a little drawing every day. Mine will be different in subject as I mainly draw what God is showing me about Himself, or my personal issues I need His help with. I will start to put these up in the next few days. I also worked on a t-shirt design for our visit to Sri Lanka and also finished the one for our visit to the AP region. These I will also post later.

Thanks for being there for me and reading this randomly updated blog. I hope to get better at it…

(Sent via email)

Thank you for your friendship...

2011-02-28T12:02:00.000-08:00

Lately I feel like the devil has nothing else to do...so he picks on me. I am struggling at work. (I even have dreams of drowning.) I am working with friends and sometimes that can be more of a curse than a blessing. When friends have a stronger personality and if you are spineless like me, it is tough. I have been wanting to quit for the last 4 days. Everyday I reach a point where it gets too much and I start writing my 'resignation letter'. But then God comes and sends a friend to talk to me at that moment. Or a random bear shaped cake appears that not all the people I work with walk over me and treat me like a piece of gum stuck to their shoe.

Yes world...I am discouraged. What else is new!?

Today I was convicted by the book 'Spiritual Leadership' where Oswald Chambers asks whether you can be a leader. I am convinced this chapter was written for me. Most of the tough questions he asked helped me to see how much more I was lacking. Again he underlined that only with the help of the Holy Spirit can God turn us into spiritual leaders.

Fast forward an hour after a meeting where we discussed this. I was whining to my 'boss' (on the ship we call them leaders as the word 'boss' has such a negative history). So there I was pouring my heart out when he (a solid man of God) said nothing. Just listened. I then thought back to the chapter we had read earlier and mentioned to him that I was lacking. Still I did not pray that God would save me from this conflict.

Fast forward another 4 hours and I check my emails after prayer night onboard. My 'friend' (who is quickly becoming the blinding headache I experience every day) sent me another scathing email. I am in my cabin crying. It seems that my efforts at supporting my friend is seen as mothering. I do not know what to do. If I could quit I would. But I cant because I love the people I work with too much to do that to them. My heart is unhappy and I am drowning. LORD help me...I can't anymore...

work in progress

2011-01-30T10:18:00.000-08:00

So a little background about this piece. The body is done (yes without the hands...it is meant to be that way!) The head is the part that needs work. It will be a puppet on a string. Once it is done I will post it. :)

Till then, have fun trying to figure out what is going on!

PS: Shout out to Jane and Simon who live on my bathroom door!

popping in

2011-01-30T07:33:00.000-08:00

No...I was not swallowed up by the black hole in my emails. I have just not been blogging because I knew where it was heading. A few months ago I wrote about the F-word. Back then the divorce was still civil. Now it will make Bold and Beautiful look like a church production! It saddens me to say that. Man...See this is why I didn't want to blog. Once you start it is like the floodgates open...

So...back on the adventures. I am drawing again. Maybe not all pretty hearts and rainbows. Emotional drawing. My easel comes in the shape of my bathroom door! :) I will post a picture later.

This post was meant to send some pictures to you in blogland...

Hope they come through! :)

I will write some more later!

Christmas blessings

2010-12-29T08:32:00.000-08:00

I just wrote a whole essay on my feelings about Christmas and decided against posting it.

I hope you all had a GREAT Christmas…

Much love from sea

Happy Birthday!

2010-12-04T12:50:00.000-08:00

Today is my dad's birthday. The whole day this has been on my mind. I could not stop thinking about it. So after lunch I went up to get a phone card so I could phone him. Now from experience I can tell you that this was not going to be pleasant. Every year since I joined the Doulos I phoned him. Well I tried to phone him. He either switched off his phone or he didn't answer. When he did it was so awkward that I wished I did not phone. This year was no different. I paid 10 USD which is about the equivalent of R80. I phoned and the kind lady said that "The number that you have dialled is not available - please try again later". I listened and tried again later. After the second attempt I texted/smsed my mother to hear what my dad's number is. Her response: He changed it and he refuses to give it to us. Me being the emotional person that I am, needs to get this out...

Dear Dad, you where not available. I miss you. With all the anger and hurt inside I don't particularly like you at the moment but I still love you. I hope you have a great birthday. May God get His hands on you in this year. Much love. xxx

scenes from Malta

2010-12-03T12:05:00.000-08:00

Dearest Friends,

I realise that I have been out of contact for some time now. I recently found a friend's email where she explained how to email directly to the blog. Since I spend about 90% of my day answering emails this is something I think I can do. Who has the patience to wait for this super slow internet to load a single page?

So here you go...some pictures of my time in Malta. Some of my dearest Doulos friends came to visit. We did not have that much time together because I was caught up at work. *Sadness*
But I did manage to take a day off close to the end and visit 'fontanelli's'. (The pizza picture)

Well I hope this works!

More pictures are coming!

half art

2010-12-03T11:30:00.000-08:00

the power of the F word

2010-10-28T14:15:00.000-07:00

The reasons to blog are getting more by the day. I owe you an update and an apology. It feels like all I have done lately is whine about this divorce. I need to accept that this is happening and that many other people have been through this and are still alive. Great! Actually a great thing happened this past Sunday.
Background: Every Sunday my mother phones me. We talk for half an hour about stuff at church, how things are on the ship and how she and my sister are doing. This is usually the highlight of my week. (We are a very close family!) The 30 minutes usually end up being too short. Well...that was before the divorce. Since the ugliness I have dreaded the calls. Don’t get me wrong, I still love talking to my mom. I just do not like hearing her heart break so many times. I also do not like the feeling of not being able to help her or be there (in South Africa) for her when she needs me the most! For the last four months I have cried through almost every Sunday phone call. But things changed the 23^rd...
Instead of sounding depressed (I recently learnt about the anti depressants my mom took – it shocked me to the core) my mom sounded upbeat and different. She actually made a joke!!!
What changed? Well...easy...she forgave him for treating her like something that needs to be scraped of his shoe. She forgave him completely...she set him free. She doesn’t hold him accountable any more. She is letting her anger go and gave her pain and heart ache to the One who knows it best. It is AMAZING what forgiveness can do. My mother actually challenged me to do the same. The ball is now in my court. Do I go ahead and forgive him? Or do I stay a trapped little bird. Forever caged in my anger and resentment towards him?
So tonight as the urge to cry over this assaulted my heart and tear glands, (Didn’t help that we were watching ‘Father of the Bride’) I made a decision to just let it go. Let go and let God sort out this mess. Let go and let Him use this pain to mould me into the person He wants me to be. To have compassion on those how face similar struggles and to love those who have also been rejected...

So the next post will be divorce-free...anger-free and free of resentment.
Thank you for listening and caring.

2010-10-13T07:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Dad

2010-10-12T13:11:00.001-07:00

Dear Dad
Thank you for investing in my life. Thank you for doing a good job of teaching me NEVER to easily trust someone with my heart again. Thank you for showing me, from a young age, how to build a wall around my heart.

Your example of treating my mother like dirt and insulting her in public has inspired me to never stoop so low. Your demeaning way of breaking my sister down has encouraged me to protect and appreciate her more. Your infamous manner of breaking all your promises is pushing me to keep mine.

I want to thank you for always (since i can remember) refusing my love. You have taught me to save it for those who appreciate it. Through your rejection, i have embraced God as my only Father...for that i am truly thankful.

Pappa i wish you well. I pray that God would get His hands on you. I pray that He would soften your ice cold hardened heart and that He would teach you to love. I pray that i will see you in Heaven one day...

Signed:
The daughter who once saw you as her hero

Hosea 14:3

2010-09-12T04:45:00.000-07:00

With or without you...

2010-09-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

A life without hope...what does that mean? I dont think that i fully understand that. Jesus has always been the One i cling to when situations feel so dark, depressed and hopeless. Recently i was confronted with "a life without hope" when three stowaways were discovered on the ship. What made them want to leave their lives behind, sit in a small space for 6 days and spend another seven days there in the darkness.
The very next day this hopeless question hit home even more when i heard that one of my friends back home had attempted suicide. He too had lost hope...My heart was hurting at the throught of this 16 year old hanging from the roof. Praise the LORD that hs dad found him before it was too late!
It was then that i realised the power of Hope. I hear this word being thrown around many times during the day. Hope...what does it mean?

I am not trying to write an award winning piece here. I am just thinking out loud.

For weeks i had been silently struggling with this divorce thing. I honestly thought that once you get older it doesnt affect you that much. I thought it only affected the younger kids. I was wrong...so wrong.
My sundays are now marked with painful and hopeless phonecalls. I get to listen to my mom's heart breaking every week. It is hard to hear of the things going on back home...but this is how it must be. At the end of the phonecalls i have to go and search for Hope with my red swollen eyes. God has been gracious and has blessed me with awesome friends.
One friend sent me chocolate...swiss chocolate (the best kind!) with a note that touched my heart. Another friend had hugged me so long when i needed it the most. I didnt have to say anything - God knew!

It might appear that i have found Hope in the arms of a friend or in wrapped in colourful paper decorated with a little swiss flag. But it is not true. God has been the One who has been constant. He is getting me through this. I just pray that my mother and sister realise that hope is not lost...He is right there next to them!

dear dad 2

2010-09-06T08:28:00.000-07:00

dear dad...

2010-09-06T07:54:00.000-07:00

i am a statistic...

2010-07-13T14:26:00.000-07:00

As many would remember I am a comfort eater. Right now I am comforting myself with a nice piece of limited edition mint crisp tart flavoured Cadbury’s chocolate. I need it... I can’t face my friends for fear of them telling me that I am over reacting. Once was enough. The girl didn’t even know me, my family or where I come from! As I am brand new on this ship I know only a few people. My ‘hartsmater’ is not here so I have nowhere to go and cry and let out my sadness.
Therefore I find comfort in the arms of God and my good friend Cadbury. You see I just returned from furlough. It was not the nicest or most encouraging furlough one could ask for. Actually it was but when I look back I only see the dark cloud covering all the happy memories. My dad...
Matters back home are not what I would call ‘happy’ or ‘civil’. My parents were constantly fighting and even considering a divorce. I always clung to hope. Hoping that my dad would wake up and smell the rooibos. Hoping that I would come home and we would be the family sitting around the table, praying, laughing...loving. But no! Hope has left my heart and is to be replaced by heartbreak. My parents will be divorcing and my dad has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with us! A clean break he calls it! What a load of crap! I just spent the last 26 years of my life trying to win his love just to have him step on it time and again. This is it...Today was the last day I cried this much over him. Everything in me wants to give him a piece of my mind and make him understand how I feel. I want to give him his clean break so that this heartache can one day stop. BUT...how can I just let him go when I don’t even know if he believes in the Living God? How can I let him step out into darkness and never again let God shine His love through me to my dad? This is probably why I am crying so much! My red eyes silently scream that something inside is not right...no one knows me well enough to ask. Jesus you are here and You see how much i am hurting. Please LORD, help me find peace and heal this aching heart.

Doulos update

2010-03-24T00:37:00.000-07:00

For those wondering what happened to the Doulos, here is a link that explains it:

http://weblogs.dailypress.com/news/local/shipsandportsblog/2010/03/doulos_officially_handed_over.html

Oh yes its true...i am back in the Motherland

2010-03-23T23:57:00.001-07:00

Greetings from the land of meat and rugby. No i am not talking about Australia or New Zealand!
I am so happy to be home again. Since landing about a month ago, i have enjoyed 3 braais (the English version being BBQ - but all Africans know it is not the same thing!). So yes, my meat intake has increased to a satisfactory level. I have watched a few rugby matches and decided that i need to watch more as i am not use to the adrenaline rush anymore. I actually missed the game where the Sharks beat the Highlanders this weekend...i was upset for a second but went on to enjoy my best friends company! :)

So yes, since being back home i have done many things. Here is a quick update:

On the 14 of March Magda and i went to Cape Town to visit three dear Doulos friends. Emma and Daniel got married last year and this was our first time meeting them as a married couple. It was such a lovely time. I enjoyed watching seeing a healthy relationship and we had many laughs catching up and listening to the 'how they met'story. (I sorta had a hand in it...so it was fun remembering again.) The Monday we met up with Seelan, Carlien and little Tessa; Nigel and Holly and Tannie Nellie - all ex-Doulos. Oh my gosh...i fall under the Ex-Doulos category now! I just realised that.
Anyway, on Tuesday i met with a lady from my College days. She is also one of my prayer supporters and it was just so nice and encouraging to talk with her. Afterward we strolled through Stellenbosch, bought postcards, took a thousand pictures and stood amazed at how overwhelmingly beautiful God created the Stellenbosch area.
Wednesday was the day i saw Table mountain for the first time. Emma and Magda took me to the V&A waterfront and i took about 50 pictures of the mountain. I know for some it is a shock...me never being to Cape Town. But i know i would not have enjoyed it or appreciated it as much when i was younger. The area is so rich in history and spectacular in beauty. After an hour we drove back to pick Daniel up and then had lunch at Tygerberg.
Thursday Magda and I drove from Stellenbosch to George. Again, my camera worked overtime as the mountains continued to lead us to George. You must understand that here in Randfontein we do not have mountains...we have a heap of sand from all the mining excavations. The closer we got to George the chillier the air got. Some friends in New Zealand say it is 'fresh'.
Friday i went to many beaches with Magda and had my first fish and chips meal since being home. I can still taste the salt and vinegar. OH SO GOOD!!!
Sunday i returned home to mommy and sussie here in JHB.

At the moment i am busy helping out with the preparations for the Church's Vacation Bible School. God brought me back in time to paint the 10 banners, design the fliers and draw all the little badges. I am enjoying this creativeness so much and didn't realise how much until i started drawing yesterday.

On top of this my mother is turning 50 tomorrow and i worked on a picture frame filled with many funny pics of my sister and i. After putting it in the frame and putting the little nails back, i turned it around and saw that the stupid double sided tape didn't hold. So i have to dissemble it and re stick everything again! Great...

I will post some of the pictures from the adventures mentioned above at a later stage... i forgot my hard drive at home (where the expensive connection is). Today i accompanied my beautiful sister to work. It was also my first time as a passenger on the train. (When we were younger my dad worked as a train driver for the government so we use to drive in front with him - today i sat in one of the coaches like a 'normal' person.

Oh joy it is so much fun being home. In 2 and a bit months i will go to Logos Hope. More about that later.

doulos adventure - part 3 (final)

2010-02-18T04:12:00.000-08:00

These last few weeksI have spent my time packing hundreds of boxes (no, not exaggerating) and wrapping up huge framed pictures. It has been strange seeing the ship slowly disappear as we take her insides apart.

I am excited about the future because I know that just like all the other times, God has this all figured out. J

So here I am, sitting in the computer room on my LAST EVER day onboard the MVDoulos. What an awesome experience it has been so far. I praise God for giving me this opportunity to experience Him in so many different ways. As a person who learns through doing, you can imagine what a huge life lesson my adventures onboard have been. I pray that God will help me to remember all these lessons and to not forget the awesome people I have met on my Doulos journey.

Tomorrow morning at 06:00am I will be getting into a huge taxi and head to Changi Airport (Singapore). My best friend and I will be traveling for 20 hours before reaching the Motherland! I have wrestled with my luggage, learning that you cannot put 20kgs worth of stuff in a bag that can only hold 15. It is physically impossible. I tried it! It was funny!!!!!

So here I am leaving the Doulos,

I take with me a life impacted by others

A world view exceeding South Africa

Friendships that made an eternal difference

and a soul forever changed.

OH BUT WAIT!!!

Just before I go, here are my future plans:

On the 19^th of February I will head home for 3 months of furlough, winter and super 14. (So I might not have mentioned that I am a rugby fanatic! Super 14 is a huge rugby tournament between South Africa, New Zealand and Australia – different from the Tri Nations)

I will join the Logos Hope in June to be part of their programme team.

The adventures continue…stay tuned!

Doulos adventure - part 2

2010-02-18T04:10:00.001-08:00

I just never had the guts to ask. Whoa… line-up? Four young people go ahead of the ship, arrange all the necessary things and obtain all the needed permissions for the ship to enter the ports. Sure, why not? It was the ultimate challenge to live a life totally dependent on God.

My first line up was in April 2008. Our team of three was sent to Wellington, New Zealand. I knew only 1 thing about New Zealand: they have one of the BEST rugby teams in the world! Being a rugby enthusiast I was super excited about doing line up there and getting to know the culture better. During our line up we were faced with so much opposition. Churches refused to work with us, journalists weren’t interested in a 94 year old ship and no one wanted to sponsor the visit. Surrounded by the loveliest committee (who became dear friends) we were encouraged and urged to press on. We knew through our team verse that God’s presence was with us. We started going to the berth where the ship was going to be and we prayed…fervently. I learnt that prayer is more than what we think. It is such a powerful, and often neglected, tool! The ship’s visit was a success – although many tend to disagree but i know that God used the Doulos to sow many seeds during our time there.

My second line up was in Singapore. This small developing country (can you call such a small island a country?) taught me about living to please God and not people (Gal 1:10). We had about 8 weeks to line up 22 two churches who would be willing to host Doulos teams for the 2 weeks Doulos was scheduled to be in Dry Dock. God provided and we lined up so many awesome ministry opportunities.

My third line up was in Kaohsiung, Taiwan. In a country where English is not spoken as a first language we had our hands full trying to communicate with churches, governments and printers. I was blessed to be in the team with a close friend and God used him to teach me more about leadership and leading a team. As a team we made so many mistakes but God taught us through it. God gave us the opportunity to invest in the wharf owner’s life, to repair a broken relationship from the previous visit and to challenge many of the volunteers to live a life that makes an eternal difference.

After about 10 days onboard I was sent out on my fourth and final line up, this time as team leader. Great! (Add tablespoon of sarcasm). I always thought of myself as a follower because I am too scared of screwing up as a team leader. (Sooooo much responsibility and such high expectations for team leaders – scary!) Bangkok, Thailand, treated our team very nice. We were blessed with an awesome shipping agent that made my life much easier and we had 2 firecracker ladies that helped us to get into contact with the prominent, important and needed contacts. During this time my chapter on life lessons probably increased by 33 pages! I had the privilege of working closely with the Line Up manager. A man, who I greatly admired, respected and often times feared. He coached me through the whole line up and was ready with words of wisdom whenever I needed it. Together we planned the Princess of Thailand’s visit to the Doulos, a programme that became the most detailed I have ever put together. All the programme experience, all the lessons on being detailed and all the high standards I had learned up to this point…all of it came together in this programme. I praise the LORD for this opportunity we had to be the fragrance of Christ to this Thai nation and its royalty.

The story doesn’t end here, oh far from it! While finishing up the port, I was asked to take over the role of acting Line up manager while Seelan attended meetings overseas.

Probably the most challenging experience I had! They where big shoes to fill and I felt inadequate in more than one way! BUT GOD carried me through and He enabled me to get through these 2 months without jumping off the bow. J

So there I was having done all these crazy things, thinking life could not get any better when I was asked, by the new Director, to take on the role of Programme Manager – again it was one of my heart’s desires that only God knew about. After praying about it, I had peace that this is what God wanted me to do.

October the ship sailed into Singapore, almost a year after I did line up there, it was my first port as Programme Manager and also my last! A few weeks later we found out that the ship could no longer continue its ministry due to the age of this old vessel. If we wanted to we could have spent millions to get her up to standard again but it would have been too much. It was a sad day, but we know that this is God’s will.

I look back at my time onboard Doulos with great joy. I had seen God work in ways I could only dream of. I met people that forever impacted my life. I grew in more ways than sideways! I found myself here…

God has been so good to me here. I am not saying that is was all rainbows and ice cream. Oh no! I have had some tough times onboard but through it all God remained the constant.

There is a famous Christian song that helped me during many times during my 4 years onboard:

Blessed Be Your Name

In the land that is plentiful

Where Your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name

When I'm found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me

When the world's 'all as it should be'

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

- end of part 2 -

Doulos adventure - Part 1

2010-02-18T04:09:00.001-08:00

This will be my last entry from the Doulos. Here follows the journey so far…summarized J

21 January 2006 my family and I entered the Johannesburg International Airport. As the glass doors opened so I could enter, I remember seeing someone else entering at the opposite side of this tunnel-like entrance. She was a young lady, about the same height as me and also dressed in what can only be described as a missionary’s outfit. Both of us where modestly dressed so that the elbows, knees, neck area and ankles were covered. We made eye contact and I knew then that she was also going to the Doulos. It sounds strange I know…but this was one of those God-moments I will never forget. This moment was the beginning of one of my most treasured friendships!

Magda and I, together with 2 other South African ladies, said goodbye to our families and entered the departure hall. As soon as I was out of my mother’s sights I broke down in tears and hugged magda. This was my first time leaving the country, first time on an airplane, first time to be away from home for longer than a month! I hugged Magda and we picked up our hand luggage and boarded the bus that took us to the airplane that took us to Abu Dhabi where we were introduced to the MV Doulos.

After 2 weeks of safety training we drove to the harbour in Sharjah where the Doulos was docked. My thoughts were captured by the scenery that flashed passed the bus windows. The first time I saw the ship was unbelievable! Walking up the gangway, being greeted by 300 crazed strangers and walking into my walk-in-closet-cabin was all a blur of excitement.

I spent the next 6 months learning the ins and outs of the Doulos Kitchen (ship term: galley) before becoming a shift leader. During my time as shift leader God taught me so many lessons about working as a team. Valuable lessons that I later applied in some of my other adventures onboard. I had the opportunity to work with an awesome chief cook. He took the time to teach me little details like the correct way to sharpen a knife, how to chop vegetables without losing fingers and countless other details that helped us to become better galley-workers. Did I mention that he was also my ship’s dad?

His high standards and constant striving for excellence encouraged me in the next department I worked in.

February 2007, after spending a year in the galley I moved to the Programme Department. The Programme Department is responsible for organizing all the onboard events. We have teams of people flying out ahead of the ship (we call them line up people) and they go and try to determine the spiritual needs of the country and as a programme team we try to put together programmes that cater to these needs. I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT! Okay maybe not every single minute. J We did have some difficult ports but here I had the opportunity to let my creative juices flow. As a behind-the-scenes person I had the chance to be part of the ministry to the public by putting together the programmes. My favourites were the out-of-the-box programmes, like the one where we shared the Gospel through a movie-themed night! Awesome! My leader at this time taught me so much about focusing on the purpose of the programmes and she helped me to develop my eye for detail. My passion for programmes was definitely influenced by her love for it!

After spending many months here, the Programme Manager asked me to take over the responsibility of planning I-nights (biggest onshore event). This is basically a programme that involves about 100 crew members and we get the opportunity to share the Gospel or to challenge the audience for missions. The audience varies from 250 to 2000 people.

Up to this point in my life, it was the biggest thing I had ever done. I spent many nights crying on my bed, praying that God would use ‘my’ little programme to bring glory to Himself. I prayed so hard during these times and I saw God reward my faith and trust many times over. During one of these I-nights everything went wrong. I was standing backstage crying (it’s what we girls do!) wondering how bad this really was. Next moment the speaker is challenging the audience to renew their commitment to following Jesus and to get involved in missions. It was as if God’s arms and hands where reaching off stage and stirring the hearts of everyone there. I was amazed and humbled. I learnt that night that God is in control, no matter what I think, or how bad I think things are!

In this season of I-nights and stomach ulcers (not really but almost! J) I was asked to join the Line-up department, something I wanted to do since joining Doulos.

- End of part one :) -

It doesn't get any clearer than this...

2010-02-09T18:42:00.001-08:00

Proof that the ship will be scrapped...they are cutting up the gangways!

more meetings...

2010-02-04T21:40:00.000-08:00

This week's sketch is of the Book fair Manager Johann Zandbergen.

i have a date!!

2010-01-28T23:36:00.000-08:00

Funny how some words find new meaning here on the ship. Take the word 'interesting' or the word 'special'...never will i be able to understand them in the way the dictionary writers intended!

Lately the phrase: 'Do you have a date yet?' has nothing to do with a person from the opposite gender accompanying you to a special event or romantic evening. It now has everything to do with the time and date you will leave the the ship.

I got my date today!!! Magda and i will leave on the 19th of February 2010. So many things to do still...

As my emma friend reminded me time and again:

'Don't count the days, make the days count!'

Time for art...

2010-01-27T23:43:00.000-08:00

I always work on my art in periods of excitement or intense depression...

Here is my latest piece.

(Front)

The picture is of my dad. I am posting a pic from the front and then one from the back. I was done with the front and just needed to erase the pencil marks. As i turned the page to start on a new one, i saw the light shine through and was amazed at how much i preferred the back!

(Back)

My whole visual Diary is a series of incomplete artworks and as a professional procrasinator i am thinking of calling the series 'unfinished'.

Let me know what you think of the dad-heARTworks...

Another planning meeting and therefore another drawing

2010-01-27T18:20:00.000-08:00

This really is a tool to help me concentrate!

Every line helps me to remember what we talked about. :)

So that is 3 down... 8 more to go.

A few months ago i drew one of the Chief Mate, its in my journal and i still need to take a picture of it. Will post it soon.

Okay i am off to finish packing the last of the Programme Room boxes.

PS: Left is Dominic Bothello - Chief Engineer
Right is Shirley Booth - Training Coordinator (This drawing is a little exaggerated)

vegetarian?

2010-01-15T00:35:00.000-08:00

Each Friday i am blessed with a 'Friday Bad joke' email from a good friend in New Zealand.
This week's opening joke was a great quote that made me laugh for a few minutes.
Everyone who knows me knows that i love my meat (being South African and all!) and Vegetarianism is not something i understand (except when it comes to pork...cannot eat that stuff!)

Here is the quote: (special shout out to my brother Daniel!)

"VEGETRIAN? I think that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter.'" - Andy Rooney

The things we do to concentrate...

2010-01-13T00:39:00.001-08:00

Each wednesday i get to attend the Planning Meeting with the rest of the leadership team.

Sometimes it is exciting but mostly just hard to concentrate.

I usually sit and doodle but decided to practise my drawing skills again.
Here is the result of today's 1.45 hour meeting.

It is our Chief Engineer, Johan Crezee.

Challenge Accepted

2010-01-05T21:50:00.000-08:00

In High School my cousin had a project which i always wished i had. They were asked to illustrate25 different words using a variety of medium. There were words like 'clouds', the sound of purple, the texture of a rainbow...obviously you couldn't just colour the A4 page in purple so you had to be creative in illustrating the points.
Yesterday i asked for ideas as i didnt know what to draw.
Bridget, my aussie sister, suggested i draw GREEN.

so challenge accepted. For this month i will work on an artwork illustrating GREEN. Watch this space...

So what's new?

2010-01-05T00:04:00.000-08:00

So many things are happening onboard that it is sometimes too much to update the blog...

New year crept up like a thief in broad day light. It is crazy, my mind hasn't really got use to the idea of december and i already have to force myself to acknowledge that it is JANUARY!

The ship is getting emptier by the day and goodbyes seem to get harder. I said goodbye to Kaylee on Sunday night and had to bite hard as not to cry. We went through 2 difficult line ups together, Wellington and Bangkok, and she helped and supported me so much. So there we were standing on the family landing both trying not to cry and both failing terribly. I really strongly dislike saying goodbye. My mother tries to comfort me by saying that she hasnt said goodbye as much in her whole life as i had to in my 4 years onboard... It just made it worse.

So there is barely a line at supper or lunch. It might get longer than 2 people but it is far from the 'normal' 10 - 15 people line that we were use to in the good'ol times.

Devotions we can fit everybody in the Main lounge when the walls are both closed.
Even the one each sign is not being used as much...

I am waiting for the day when this hits me...i will probably sit and cry for a day or so. Magda (my best friend for the last 4 years) and i joke by saying that it will only probably happen when we leave the ship and fly home (whenever that is???).

In the meantime everyone is busy packing. Packing up the programme props, curtains, flags, lights etc. Packing up the ministry tools, packing up the fancy cutlery...boxes everywhere! The only escape is crawling into a Ted DeKker book or Vivo City where boxes arent the order of the day.

Empty pieces of paper call out to me - begging me to fill them with strokes of ink. If you have any ideas as to what i can draw, please comment as my creative juices are at 43% at the moment.

What a rush...

2009-12-26T00:43:00.000-08:00

So many things happened since the last time i posted.

Our ship is retiring because of many little complications. Yes it was sad to hear but looking back one can see how everything lead to this. God's fingerprints is all over this. :)
Check out http://www.doulos.org/ for more info on this.

As a result of the ship's decommissioning, many friends are leaving to go home early. I had just made friends with Christine during drydock and we spent so much time together. It is so funny how God works. We are so much alike (i think) and i enjoyed every donkey-game, every movie we watched together (except that stupid one 'He's just not that into you') and i LOVED those long chats. Man... i miss her!
So, yes Christine left a few weeks ago and tomorrow another bunch of great friends leave. One thing i have learnt on the ship is to say goodbye. Or maybe how to cope with saying goodbye so much as we tend to do a lot of it!

Our ship returned to VivoCity for one last visit before she is decommissioned. What a double week it has been! I have never been on such an emotional rollercoaster. I went from being proud of some artworks displayed in the mainlounge to angry over people's comments. I spent a few days doubting my calling as i was making mistakes left right and centre. (I am very hard on myself and set unrealistic standards.) I was dissapointed at how certain leaders acted and how i responded. I was stubborn...i am still as stubborn as they come! I was excited to see many people come to the open days, to hear the Gospel choir sing and to see the new video made especially for this Visit.

Christmas happened...it caught me off guard. Yes the decorations hinted that we were moving towards the big season but then one morning i woke up and it was the 24th. Here on the ship it is a big deal. Some european countries celebrate Christmas on the 24th so we tend to make a big deal out of the 24th too. Usually by having a REALLY nice dinner served by the Planning Meeting. (Department heads). This year i was part of the Planning Meeting and had to join in the serving and washing of dishes. I started my time on Doulos in the Galley (kitchen) and loved the washing dishes part the most. It became my comfort zone until i became a shift leader. So in a way i went back to my roots! So getting back to the story...Christmas was spent washing dishes and watching 'The Nativity Story'. On the 25th i spent time with my Ships family and afterwards sat for 3 hours writing farewell cards to the people leaving tomorrow. sad...

My heart is also in this weird place. Having to trust God is sometimes not the easiets thing. Not because of Him...because of my sinful doubts. I tend to look at the waves crashing instead of Jesus standing infront of me reaching out to take my hand. I wish i had more faith! I should pray for that shouldn't i!?

So yes friends. Many things are happening onboard... I shall try to keep you updated.

2009-11-13T00:23:00.000-08:00

I will never understand how the heart works...

*please note that i am not referring to the one that pumps the blood to the different parts of the body*

more pics of the paintings

2009-11-11T00:33:00.001-08:00

I started with the third one today (you can see the blue piece in the corner behind me. i hate it...the blue paint is not nice with me!!! The paint is bleeding all over the place and is not fading like it should. So i picked up my paintbrush and walked away leaving the painting to itself...

Maybe tomorrow i will feel better.

a promise kept

2009-11-08T22:00:00.000-08:00

So here it is...i am painting a three piece artwork - triptych - for the onboard programmes. I didnt see when the guy took this picture. I am so thankful because i usually do not have pics of me being arty.
I will update as the project progresses.

a short update from a different chair

2009-11-01T19:51:00.001-08:00

I have been running away lately. I am sorry for not updating the blog recently.

Well many things have happened since i last wrote. After doing line up in Bangkok i was sure that i would be sent out on another assignment to the Gulf. A few days before our ship left the port of Bangkok i was asked to step into my boss' role as line up manager while he was away. My first reaction was that of 'okay where is the camera because this must be a joke!' I felt like i am not really such a great leader and this job would require a lot more than that of the line up team leader i had just completed. I accepted the challenge and became the seat warmer while he was away, answering questions i didn't have the answers to and making decisions i did not have the background for. I learnt a lot during this time. Our Boss makes it look so easy...it is not. Many times i had to tell myself that i am not him that no one expects me to be just like him. The day he returned i cracked...so many things had happened at once.
While being the official seat warmer i had also been approached to take over as programme manager as soon as the new line up manager came. You see Boss was taking over as Director, someone else came to take his place and now they also needed a programme manager. Way back in the day before line up was part of my vocabulary i used to work in the programme room on board. I loved every creative minute of it! I worked with one of the most awesome ladies, GINNY, and learnt so much from her. I still think that my detailerness *sorry English is not my first language!* was refined under her guiding eye.
I prayed so much...this decision consumed my prayer life and also my every thought. With this offer came the requirement of staying 2 years longer. Having served on this ship for four years already it is safe to say that i was looking forward to a new season. God has different plans so i am staying on for 2 more years!
So it is from this chair i am writing. I look forward to many new challenges.
As the ship is currently in Dry dock i am working on many projects that will help us in future ports. i will take some pictures and upload it soon.

Art during the Captain's dinner?

2009-10-09T03:31:00.000-07:00

The Director's speech was long, the plate was inviting and the fork became my brush...

(I did this one in Bangkok, almost 2 months ago!)

Welcome to my hole - part one

2009-10-01T00:45:00.000-07:00

I am going through some things right now. Things that have pushed me to see new limits and things that have flexed me up to breaking point. I just cried a good hour or so, spoke with my Kiwi mama and then finished this heartcry:

“Welcome to my hole”
She said and fell back into The Chair
“Welcome to my hole”
she cried, saddened with despair
“Welcome to my hole”
She warned, “it’s rather lonely here”

“Welcome one and welcome all”
“Welcome young and welcome old”
“Welcome to my deep dark hole”

In the corner, against the wall
She sat, looking for support
In the darkness away from light
She hid, scared to show her face
At the bottom, on her knees
She prayed, “LORD, LORD help me now”

Song 23...

2009-08-27T01:54:00.000-07:00

My mom and sister are visiting me here on the ship as we sail to Kota Kinabalu. My sister brought this cd along and i am in love with the music. It is by a South African artist called Joe Niemand. The name of the Cd is 'Glory to the King' and is one of the most beautiful cd's i have ever heard ( i know it is a bold statement to make but hey, if its true then its true!)

Here is a song inspired by Psalm 23...it is simply titled 'Song 23'

The LORD is my Shepherd
I have all that i need
He rests me in green meadows
Beside peaceful streams

He renews my strength
to honour His Name
and though i am walking
the valley of death
i will not be afraid

Because You're right here with me
You're right here with me
to comfort and protect me

You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemy
at Your table You honour me
with blessings and security

Your unfailing Love
i know will follow me
all of my days
into eternity

And i will live with You
in Your house my LORD
eternally...

a five star rock band!

2009-08-21T19:46:00.000-07:00

Bangkok's rock band line up team!

2009-08-21T19:19:00.000-07:00

you with my heart

2009-08-19T01:34:00.000-07:00

i see you sitting across from me
i see you playing with my heart
i see you throwing it up in the air
i see you catching it with your hand
your toying with my heart...arent ya?

i also see you
you looking at me from a distance
you i dont want to hurt
you with the secrets i do not know
your not toying with my heart...could you?

and You...You i dont see
You hold my fragile heart
You will never toy with me...not You!

disappointment...or not

2009-08-07T05:00:00.000-07:00

The Princess of Thailand is coming to visit our ship. I am working with my Boss to coordinate this. Before all this happened, i asked one of my new friends who works in the Government to arrange a tour for some of our crew.
Last night, someone mentioned that as a result of HRH's visit, no one is allowed to be onboard when she is here. Now the tour is seen as our way of getting rid of the crew...

Sometimes efforts to bless is seen as curses instead. If only THEY knew how hard we have worked for them to be here. It makes me want to go out there and give them a piece of my mind...NAH!

The visit has been a blessings so far. People coming to the ship and buying bags full of books. Divine appointments happening all over the place. Relationships are deepening and Jesus is being preached to this nation...

Many things are happening that can encourage me to see the glass half empty when God has done an excellent job of clearly showing me how full it is.

Just Jinjer song

2009-07-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite bands is JUST JINGER. They are considered to be the most successful South African Rock band.

Here is the lyrics from one of their latest songs...something to chew on.

What He Means:

If there is Grace in this world
If there is light on this earth
Let us use it, let us see it.. starting right now

Can we be down with ourselves?
Respectful and mindful of one
Of one another, your significant other,
Your sister or brother?

Peace, Love, more tolerance.
Faith, hope, trust in the same name of God

Peace, Love, more tolerance.
Faith, hope, trust in the same God in whose
name we die for, take an innocent life for
well that's not what he means..
and it doesn't matter what Book you read

Is there relief up ahead?
Cos Judgement and hearing await
A weight on our minds to bear,
A shame on our heads to wear

Where is Salvation now?
Now that we have what we want
Now that we have our wars..

Peace, Love, more tolerance.
Faith, hope, trust in the same name of God in whose
name we die for, take an innocent life for
well that's not what he means..
and it doesn't matter what book you read

with a little bit of ease and little bit of calm
acceptance is the key to all we know
what about a stir of compassion and
lenience?
what about some understanding?
what about some sympathy?

Peace, Love, more tolerance.
Faith, hope, trust in the same name of God in whose
name we die for, take an innocent life for
well that's not what he means..
and it doesn't matter what Book you read
(FREEDOM, KINDNESS, WARM DELIVERANCE,
COMFORT, MERCY, REDEMTION SONG!!)

You can find the song at justjinger.com

Ship in Bangkok TOMORROW!!!

2009-07-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

The Shipwill arrive in Bangkok tomorrow!!! Praise the LORD.

It has been a hectic few weeks but great hectic.

Please pray as we head into this unknown part of the adventure:

Some stories from the last few days as written in our weekly report to the ship...hope you enjoy!

· Other one…

During this week, while Oliver and Liezel were in the office minding their business trying to do whatever-it-is-you-do on lineup, all of a sudden two locals walked into the office. Because the team shares the office with 4 other Thai ladies, Liezel thought they were guests for our Thai office-mates but they kept on talking thai and Liezel’s desk-mate, Kitty, referred the older Lady to Liezel. Surprised Liezel got up to go and meet the Lady. Awkwardness reigned in the office as neither Liezel nor Oliver knew the guests. The lady took out her camera and pointed at the two – now REALLY uncomfortable – shiplings wanting to take their picture. It turns out that this couple came all the way to the team’s office to take a picture of them. Yes people we are now famous. Autographs will be available at 50 Baht a piece!!!

· Other TwoLiving on the ship has sort of made us immune to cockroaches – or so we think. Living on the ship has also made us use stairs more and not be too familiar with elevators (or lifts if you are from South Africa). On Friday night the team was heading back from their last team outing and as usual squished into the tiny elevator that takes them to the sixth floor, their accommodation. When the elevator got to the second or third floor or something in-between Liezel felt something on her arm and thought it a hair or something. A few seconds later Ji Ea let out a gasp as she saw the 6cm long cockroach exploring Liezel’s back. Four line-uppers and one cockroach trapped in ONE elevator the size of a doulos shower! 3 girls and 1 guy trapped in an elevator with a HUGE (that’s what WE thought) cockroach. Kaylee freaked out and so did Ji Ea (less vocal) and Liezel stood their not having any space to turn around or run away or freak out even more so she was left staring at the doors hoping it would open soon… Mr Cool Crispin flicked the monster off the black shirt as the doors opened and the ladies exploded from the lift with hearts racing and pulses beating.

Good friends...no...great friends!!!!

2009-07-15T06:53:00.000-07:00

from inside my cave

2009-07-15T06:46:00.000-07:00

Line up has the ability to use the smallest things to get big reactions. I am tired and slightly irritated tonight and hearing people skype about how they do not want to be here on lineup and would rather be somewhere else is enough to inspire a verbal massacre...BUT i will go the other route and try to pretend i am deaf, grab my pencils and drwa while watching a war movie. Sounds good.

The Lineup has been great so far. I made a GREAT friend in my South Korean team mate and learnt alot about relationships, my anger issues and how sarcasm is not always funny. I am learning that i am a selfish person that rarely posessed the grace needed to be a nice person...sad but true. BUT I AM LEARNING that withou Jesus...there is nothing.

Thailand is beautiful...
Thailand is dark...
Thailand needs Jesus...
SO BADLY...

Me...20 minutes ago....

2009-06-26T01:21:00.000-07:00

Views of Thailand

2009-06-15T06:07:00.000-07:00

Here are some images from my saturday experience. I will post a few more once we have a better connection.

more than a feeling???

2009-06-09T01:56:00.000-07:00

I feel that i need to be creative. I am working on a computer that isn't mine and this one doesnt hold the design programme well. It has to take time to evaluate what it is doing...so click once...wait....wait....wait....still waiting....wait....get coffee....wait...sigh in frustration...wait....wait...jip still waiting...wait...move mouse to see it it is still thinking...find something else to do...COMPUTER RESPONDS! YaY!!! Click again...wait...wait....get up to go to toilet...wait....wait...wait...wait...i told you it takes long...wait...wait...wait...check, no computer is still thinking...wait...COMPUTER RESPONDS.

Last night i started drawing but it is almost a copy of something i saw on a website a few days ago - so i won't finish it.

I get this feeling in my hand - like i need to hold a pencil. Withdrawal simptoms if you like to call it that. Please, if you have any ideas in mind please, i need a spark!

Oh...and then there is this phrase in my head that just begs me to write a poemy-thing but i lack the flowery english upperclass vocabulary to turn it into something more. Hey Bridget you wanna try? Here it is:

The clouds hold the promise of rain...

I am high...

2009-06-07T07:22:00.000-07:00

No..i am not high on drugs! If you think i am then you do not know me.

I just had such a wonderful day. Why? Well i do not know. I almost fell asleep in church because i was so tired. I didnt because the headphones in which i could hear the translated message, was trying to squeeze my brain out. PLUS i wear glasses so the piece between my skull (behind my ear) and the ear was also fighting along with the headphones. So what do you do in such a situation? Well i took of my glasses as i reasoned that i would rather hear the message in English than see it in Thai. I had to have looked stupid because i had to bring my Bible up to about 5cm from my face in order to read...but i had no headache so all was fine.
Where does the high come in? Well the ship's emails are working so this means that i can contact friends again, hear from my boss (who is a legend!) and did i mention i can contact my friends again? But this is not the only reason. Our team is so funny. I just played some old music for Ji Ea and ended the playlist with ABBA and the BEE GEES (not together but a mix. :) ) I love making the team laugh and my impersonation of Barry Gibb on 'TRAGEDY' had one in stitches and another trying to impersonate me...
But maybe the high is Jesus. Why? Well i have a great team. We laugh so much and do really stupid things.
I am going to stop before i ramble on some more.
I hope that you get high on Jesus' blessings too!

Being fragrance...

2009-06-04T23:46:00.000-07:00

I am supposed to be working at the moment, but i have to get this out of my system before i forget.

Our team's verse for this line up is 2 Corinthians 2:15.

"You are to God the fragrance of Christ,

to those who are perishing and those who are being saved."

Well, today Ji Ea (my South Korean teammate and becoming a very good friend) and myself were in the elevator on our way back from lunch. Before i continue, you should know that our office is at the 24th floor. Because of all the stops in between, we often spend 5 - 10 minutes on our way up or down. Today there was a gentleman - well i don't think he desserves that title - from a foreign country on his way up. I noticed him as soon as he entered the building. He is older, has silver hair, wore a white shirt with jeans and looks like Sean Connery. I have watched enough people (a hobby of mine) to know that this guy was rushed and not happy. By the shapes his mouth made i could tell that he was using four letter words to express his frustration. Apparently the elevator was not going fast enough. It seems that he wanted to be beamed up to the 15th floor. There were only 3 stops between the ground floor and his. At the second stop he looked at another white man across the elevator looking to see if he felt the same. The man did not respond... So Mr Wannabe-Connery decided to express his frustration. The sentence that followed is not appropriate for this - or any - blog.

I immediately wanted to ask him (in a sarcastic tone) if he needed to be somewhere, but the thought of being back-handed by James Bond entered my mind and i decided to be quiet instead. While i watched this guy exit the elevator i wondered...was that a fragrance moment? What would have been the appropriate response? I then realised that just being...that was it. I did not have to say something clever for him to have noticed that i am not his supporting actress. Nope...Liezel was there for Jesus and if that meant keeping my mouth shut and just smiling, trying to ignore his foul words, then that would be my response...

...this is how i feel...

2009-05-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

I am facing some struggles...

1) i do not know what i am doing. This new responsibility is as foreign to me as europe (never been there!)

2) i have to restrain myself from giving someone a piece of my mind. I hate it. I am allowing the enemy to get into my thoughts and use people to irritate me...It might not make sense to you but this is my feelings and i shouldnt have to justify it. But i think i just did.

3) i still have no idea what i am doing.

What does one do in such a case? Apart from living on your knees...get my favourite pencil and start working on an artwork. I went back to the A5 format as i was only allowed to bring 20kgs to Bangkok. Plus this boekie fits into my hangbag perfectly!

So i know you want to see it. Here it is...

"Untitled 1"

Just like the other times...this one is not finished yet!

2009-05-25T02:53:00.000-07:00

· Where to start?
Where have I been these last few months? Well the story goes back…Sometime in January, i was sent on line up to Kaohsiung TAIWAN. I had ideas and goals for our time as a team in Kaohsiung but as always, God had different ideas. I am sorry for not writing sooner but I hope that my reasons will become apparent through this blog.
· Kaohsiung line up
I have never worked so hard on ANY line up as I did during the Kaohsiung preparations. My responsibilities included putting the programme calendar together, finding a printer to print our publicity material, finding and interviewing translators for the ministry we would be doing and later on I also had to do the design work for the publicity material. Because our accommodation was in the same building as our office, it was difficult to stop working at a specific time. Many nights were spent working till late in the evening (or should I say early in the morning) to get the work done we couldn’t during the busy days. A lot of our work, actually all of it, had to be done through translation as many of the people do not speak English. The language barrier proved to be a hurdle that we crossed soon after God provided two excellent line up helpers. Joyce and Sandra were straight from heaven and they became our voices, eyes and ears during meetings and day to day business. Looking back this has been a major answer to my prayers.

The line up itself was characterised by frustrations, miscommunications and eggshells. An unexpected attack came from within the team. From the start did not get along and it hurts me to say that a single friendship survived this line up. We constantly had to be careful as to not upset each other and were focused entirely on our own individual responsibilities as a result of that. Through the 8 weeks we did line up in Taiwan I had learnt that open communication is the way to go, eggshell walking is overrated and a true friend loves you for who you are…no matter what! As I mentioned one of my responsibilities was to find translators and I must say that meeting all these precious people was my highlight for this port. I made some really good friends and had the opportunity to share my testimony with some of them and even hear theirs. As a result of their services onboard 3 of them are joining the ship for the Short Term Exposure Programme (STEP).
· Kaohsiung port
The time in port was…I do not even know if there is a word that would describe my feelings. We often say that numbers are not important and that God’s standard for success is different than ours. Well…being human and knowing how humans think, I knew that the number of visitors would play a role somewhere. Conference tickets were sold out days before the events, teams came back with amazing ministry reports and the translators were impacted by what they had seen and experienced alongside our crew. Oh…and we had long lines of people visiting the ship! My absolute favourite thing to do was go outside and see the people lining up to visit the ship knowing that it was only God that brought the masses to the ship. Another highlight was seeing the translators dive into the ministry and become part of ship’s life. Great friendships were built, lives were changed and seeds were sown during our time in Kaohsiung TAIWAN.

Some pictures:

Below: Being Organised

Below: Our last off day before the ship sailed in. I loved how seeing this made me want to join the kiddies...
Below: Liezel jumping around in the sun!

Below: Liezel and Magda exploring the Dome of Light in Kaohsiung MRT station.

Learning Lessons the hard way

2009-04-15T22:14:00.000-07:00

I had always thought of myself as a good friend. I love having friends…who doesn’t? Just looking at Facebook and seeing the people go crazy about this confirms this fact.

During my recent adventure I had poured myself into a certain friendship. Trying to keep on loving person when person said hurtful things, trying to support person when I didn’t agree with the things person did…Basically walking on eggshells! I can now say that I am a professional eggshell-walker.

In Proverbs, the writer tells us to Guard our hearts because life flows from it. I have learnt this to be a tough lesson. As a people pleaser and lover of friends, it is my duty to support, understand, love, encourage etc etc… But it is dangerous as people are just human and do tend to say hurtful things. Yesterday the bubble burst when I had to do some confrontation. Person had done some things that shouldn’t have been done- at least not in that way. I had dreaded going to speak to person as I know that person will make an issue out of this and not listen. Well…exactly that happened. Person decided that person does not want to be my friend any more…Those were some of the most hurtful words someone could say to me, especially considering all the nonsense I had to deal with.

Here is one of my artworks I had done a few months ago – as this explosion happened my mind went back to it.

(The artwork is not finished yet.)

After the big explosion, I went to talk to someone who has been a great support to me in this time.

She reminded me of the things Jesus had to go through. Jesus was called to love us to the point of death.

How difficult it must have been to love us when we spat, cursed, beat and crucified Him?

Yet all He could say was: “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”

To say that this was humbling and an eye opener is an understatement.

So now I am faced with this challenge…to love and to forgive even while I am being punished for something I did not do…

Jesus please be the example…

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The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.

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The adventure of crying...

2009-03-05T00:48:00.000-08:00

Slightly offended i sit here...
Mostly angered i wonder,
WHY Communication suddenly became a foreign concept?
WHY one person has the power to rule 3 individuals?
WHY i feel like crying over something that has no eternal value?

I would like to quit right now.
I would like to run away and never come back.
I would like to give her a piece of my mind...
BUT
... my word is my bond and God has a plan with these struggles,
... where would running get me?
... Jesus loves her and so should i.

With a tired spirit and an empty heart,
i beg You LORD to renew my strength,
i plead that You would guide my steps,
i ask that you would help me to love.
Father
You are All i need...
You!

WHAT LOVE MEANS TO AGE 4 TO 8 YEAR OLD CHILDREN

2009-02-23T01:58:00.000-08:00

I just received this in an email. And being a girl waiting...You can read for yourself :-)

What does 'Love' mean?
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does 'love' mean?' The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' Rebecca- age 8
'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' Billy - age 4
'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' Karl - age 5
'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' Chrissy - age 6
'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' Terri - age 4
'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.' Danny - age 7
'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' Noelle - age 7
'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.' Tommy - age 6
'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' Elaine-age 5
'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' C hris - age 7
'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day' Mary Ann - age 4
'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.' Jessica - age 8
And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Some of my artistic pieces..

2009-02-20T06:42:00.000-08:00

I love doing things with my hands...even more so if it is for Jesus! I recently spent a lot of hours in the bottom of a 95 year old ship (just my cabin, but i like the dramatic exaggeration) painting these five panels. I left before i could see it hanging. The Programme Room put it up (in the wrong order) and sent me some of the pics they took. Even in the wrong order it still looks good...well that is my opinion at least.

Enjoy...let me know what you think.

The first picture should be between the flowery parts (picture 2)...but i like it. :-)

The picture below is of my favourite pieces...

Frustration - the NEW definition.

2009-02-16T18:37:00.000-08:00

I always thought i understood what it meant to be frustrated. I found out today what it means. I am here in a mono-culture. People do not speak English here, and if they do they misunderstand any good intentions.
I can not understand anything the people say to me.
I need to work through many different translators. Even something as stupid as answering the phone becomes a big headache! The websites are all in Chinese, the street signs, the brand names, the menus...EVERYTHING. So i am going to write to the guys who put together the dictionary, or maybe even the thesaurus and ask them to add this to the books:

Frustration: To be stuck in a country where you do not speak the local language.

Please pray for me as i finish this line up. In 7 weeks the ship sail in and we are fighting time to see who will win.

And so the TAIWAN saga continues...

2009-02-07T03:40:00.000-08:00

I have been in Taiwan for 9 days...count them...NINE! These days were spent getting orientated, learning necessary mandarin and Taiwanese phrases and eating too much food.

Friday we took a train to Taichung. It took us 4 hours to get there so we used the traveling time to chat and listen to music and catch up on some sleep.
I love being on trains. I grew up on them and i have many fond memories of our family taking the train to go on holiday. I sat at the window listening how friends' snoring broke through the music that was playing in my ear. I sat there watching the picture in my window change every other second. At one station i watched an elderly man, wipe the hair out of his disabled wife's face. I was touched by the love this man showed his wife. I sat there wondering how long they have been married, where are they headed, do they have children and what did they look like when they were younger. I imagined them holding hands when they were younger...and then the picture changed.

When we arrived in Taichung we headed to the church of Rev. Lien. This pastor has such a kind face. He smiles with his eyes, he has the darkest hair with strokes of silver in it and he has the funniest sense of humor. His wife is the same. Her face captivated me as a whole theatrical play unfolded with every word she uttered. Neither of them spoke English so they communicated through the translator and hand gestures. I hadn't laughed so much in a long time! After a brief introduction we were rushed to the car to go and have some Hot Pot at a local Christian Restaurant. Hot Pot is sooooooooooooo cool. Each person is seated at a weird looking table. Each table sits 4 and at each seat there is a hole in the table fitted with a pot. In this pot is some soup liquid. They turn the heat up and then this soup starts to boil. Then they bring out a few small trays with raw goodies on it. One then sticks the raw stuff in the pot until it is cooked, pick it out with chopsticks and voila....food! Last night the pastor order everything on the menu...

Now before i proceed, it needs to be mentioned that there are 2 rules in this restaurant: each customer only has 2 hours in the restaurant, and no food is to be left on the plates! GREAT! A race against the menu!

So we started this raw feast being entertained but the 10 odd shrimps jumping up and down in the little plastic container that became their home. There is something weird about seeing these gray things turn pink in the boiling water.... Anyway...pastor and wife kept on putting weird fish things in our pots and we had no choice but to eat it! At the end of the night we had a few plates of squid left. I now declare squid: OFF THE MENU! I don't think i will ever eat it again. We finished the food and rolled out the restaurant and off to bed! Unhealthy i know but my word this was one meal that required a long nap afterward.

This morning pastor paged for us, in his broken English, to come and eat breakfast. (They had an intercom system that is linked up to each of the three floors in their house) We had toast and eggs and a few pieces of fruit. Lunch time was a different story. Pastor's Wife cooked 100 dumplings for us. Chinese dumplings are the size of a baby's fist and is filled with pork. For those of you who know me - i don't like eating pork and pork doesn't like me! So...in this culture where being polite is as important as breathing, i could not say - 'uhm sorry i don't eat pork'. I am also not the type of person to say that. I was taught that you eat what is on your plate - and as a missionary you do this not matter what is on your plate! So the non-pork eater was confronted with 100 pork filled goodies!YAY...not.

We had no choice but to eat these little sunshine-pockets. Man...i must say that i have never been so happy to eat a dumpling as i was the moment that last dumpling jumped into my mouth! RELIEF! I could hear the angelic voices sing HALLELUJAH!!

The train ride home was spent taking pictures of the millions of rice fields next to the railway while trying not to freeze to death. ( My team mate left her jacket at home so being the strong South African that i am, i lent my to her...)

So there you have it. But just before i go and waste some time on facebook...A few statistics of the week gone by:

* We have had 9 rice meals. Not SA sized portion of rice...no...asian sized rice portion where it is half the pot! STARCH=FAT!

*We have had 6 near death experiences. Here in Kaohsiung the motorcyclists are similar to the bullies that pick on little children at school. They don't seem to get that you slow down when you get close to people.

*We have had bubble tea 5 times! (Bubble tea is nice...milk tea with tapioca balls in it - mmmm goodness. I am inserting a picture so you can see!)

Till the next update. Be blessed as you bathe in the love of Jesus!

Lenhert and the Cockroach...

2009-02-03T06:25:00.001-08:00

So...we have been here in Taiwan for almost a week now and during this time we have picked up some phrases to impress the many pastors we meet. Well as you might know...Mandarin is a VERY complicated language. We have learnt how to say:
* 'hello'
* 'my name is ___and i come from'
* 'i have had enough' (when it comes to food)
* 'thank you'
* good night

This morning we wanted to learn how to say good morning. When Lenhert practised it the translator got a strange look on her face. Later in the morning our taiwanese teammate helped us to learn how to say 'Elder Yu' (he is one of our main contact). Same strange look appeared on the translators face...

At lunch time we were hanging out with our taiwanese friends and heard how lenhert said the F-word instead of good morning and how he said cockroach instead of Elder yu. So he ended up insulting the poor guy...LUCKILY only in practise and not to his face. Oh my goodness talk about a difficult and dangerous language!
We will NOT be saying good morning and we will not be saying Elder Yu's chinese name...just to keep the family bonds tight. *smile*

I'll keep you updated on how it goes...

Adventures in Taiwan - backwards...smile

2009-02-02T03:44:00.000-08:00

Above: Trying to order food in Chinese...

Above: Beautiful frames to tie your bicycle to.

Above: Lenhert checking out a HUGE church...Pretending to preach.

Above: On a boat trip around the harbour, Lenhert tried to catch up on some sleep he missed the night before.

Above: I like these dinosaurs/giraffe-looking cranes.

Above: A ladder up to the ship...sort of...

Above: Truth on a ship...

Above: More cranes... told you i like them!

Above: Su Ray trying to give us orientation...

Above: Our Line up poster...

Explanation: These are not milkshakes. One of the things Taiwan is famous for it Bubble tea.

Some call it pearl tea. It is a special milk tea with tapioca balls inside. It is one of my favourites but i have to admit that it takes some getting use to.

Please pray for us whenever you remember. :-)

The second BEST book you will read this year!

2009-01-31T05:33:00.000-08:00

I just finished the book THE SHACK by William P. Young. This is such an excellent book. I was hooked from page one and just couldnt put it down. I even read while in the back of a car - for someone who gets car sick this is a big achievement.

I recommend all you readers in blogland to get a copy of this book and be challenged. Yes, it might be controversial...but i learnt new things about God. THis book challenged my thinking and preceptions of God and also forced me to sort out why i am doing the things i am.

TAIWAN!!!!!

2009-01-29T19:00:00.000-08:00

After 15 hours of traveling and one continent later, three tired shiplings arrived at Kaohsiung airport to meet our forth team member. I aint a fan of budget airlines...we had to fight to get our few extra kilos on the plane. Who's idea was it to limit girls to 15kg for an international flight anyway...obviously someone who hasnt flown before!
I had a great time trying to force my long legs in to a small space a joker decided was the legspace.
Anyway...
We are in Taiwan and had the opportunity to visit the place the ship will berth (park) in later this year. I have been here before and just driving through the surrounding area reminded me of the many good times and great ministry i was part of during the last visit to Kaohsiung.
I look forward to see what God is going to teach me through this line up.... I will keep you updated.

The dad shaped hole

2009-01-24T03:19:00.001-08:00

As you read the post i wrote on the 4th of December you might have wondered what is going on. Well i would only explain it as a difficult relationship between me and my dad. I love him so much but i don't like him at the same time. Our relationship, or should i say our lack thereof, has hurt many aspects of my life. I struggle with building relationship because i am scared that people will not like me. I don't know how to behave around guys and often just turn into a silent witness, not saying anything and just watching. I also recently discovered that my overeating stems from our relationship. Yes...i am trying to fill this dad-shaped hole in my life, with food, chocolate, books, movies and did i mention food? I know that this hole should only be filled by God and this is the quest i am currently on. I am reading a book (long miracle-story of how i got it) called "A Dad-shaped hole in my heart. How God wants to heal the wounds caused by your earthly father". Long title but it works. So i am reading through this book and i am realizing everyday how little i know my dad. So i will attempt writing letters asking him questions and i am hoping that he will answer them. In a way the last drawing i posted was also about him...he was one fo the cords holding me back.
Enough seriousness for tonight...

Far too long...so here is an update:

2009-01-24T02:37:00.000-08:00

Greetings...

I realise that the time between posts seem to get a little longer. I have attempted many times to update my blog but living on a ship that has struggling connection, sometimes hinders the process. Since the thingy is working tonight i will make the most of it and bring you up to speed.

I am currently on the ship which is berthed in Cebu PHILIPPINES. This is our second visit to this exact port since i joined 3 years ago. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I can't believe that i have preservered for so long. At times it gets pretty lonely on this ship. Yes, i know with 320+ crew it seems impossible but believe me...it happens. As you might remember i have been working in the Advanced Preperations team for the last year. This means i spend more time off the ship preparing for it to come and visit the various ports, than i actually do on board. Whenever i get back onboard it feels a little different. Most of my friends have left and only a handful remains. Bittereinders my afrikaans teacher would have termed them.
Anyway, i am about to head out to another line up. I am in a team with 2 of my best friends plus a girl i do not really know. We will go and do the preparations for Taiwan. I am so excited but scared stiff at the tought of working in a country were barely anyone speaks english! I know that i know that i know that God will be the One Who gets me through this. Hopefully i will still be sane at the end of it...
I have spent the last week preparing to leave and the departure is only a few days away...(insert scary sound here)

Magda, my bestest best best friend, is in the line up team for this port. She has spent 7 weeks preparing for us to come. When i saw her on the quayside i had to bite my lip as not to start crying. Praise the LORD for friends! It has been so good to sit and chat, to drink Rooibostee (the best tea you can ever have!), to hang out at starbucks and just to hug. It is amazing how deep our friendship run. I can look at Magda and she can read my eyes and react in the necessary way. Oh...Praise the LORD again for Magda.
Magda's parents just joined the ship. It is not common for parents to join the ship 2 years. Especially since their daughter is still serving onboard. It is so humbling to see them leave everything (their eldest daugther and son as well, house, car, business...etc.) to come and serve here onboard. I am enjoying hearing their stories.

Coming back to Philippines. This country is so difficult to...take in. There is poverty that overwhelms you from the first step off the gangway, and for 60 Pesos you can get to the biggest shopping centre in town. It is crazy...but in many aspects it does remind me alot of South Africa. South Africa (my homeland...the motherland...hahahaha) is full of potential yet so raw. Just like SA, the Philippines is also a melting pot of cultures. I miss South Africa. Mixed emotions i have about my home country, she said in her Yoda-like voice.
I recently watched "Power of One". In this movie an american guy plays the part of an English South African. (This doesnt make sense to me but hey...it was still a good movie and i recommend it to anyone who hates racissm.) I loved seeing Ian Roberts (SA Afrikaans actor) in the same movie as the current James Bond. I loved hearing the raw afrikaans accent cutting through the english. I also loved seeing the smoke stacks that characterize the Gauteng skyline.
O how i miss home.

2008...highs and lows

2009-01-04T21:39:00.000-08:00

Reflection time!!!! This has been a great year. Lets recap:

Highs:
* Celebrating my birthday with my family.
* Doing my first line up in Wellington NEW ZEALAND (dream come true)
* Meeting the most beautiful people in Wellington.
* Meeting John Smit and Dick Muir in NZ and seeing them play the All Blacks live!
* Visiting Australia and seeing how God can use our old ship to reach the Aussies.
* Going to Singapore with a great team for my second line up!
* Friends...
* Family

Lows:
* The rejection our line up team faced in NZ.
* The ridiculous standards set by a certain someone from a certain country down under.
* Double standards...

a new year...a new blog

2009-01-04T21:10:00.000-08:00

So many things has happened since my last blog. Sorry for not updating it earlier. I have had some trouble signing in, but as you can see it is sorted now.

I am glad to report that i finally finished my artwork :

Reaching out – holding back
December 2008
Ink, pencil, tip ex and acrylics on paper

This HEartwork is about how our fears can hold us back.
In the drawing you see the hand reaching out to the Light (which represents God) and how the chains and rope holds it back. The fears that are holding me back is the fear of getting hurt.
My earthly father has not been the most loving person in the world and he has hurt our family very much. This fear keeps me from giving everything to God as i am scared that He might hurt me too. This doesn't make sense, i know...but when does it ever do?

I am currently working on my second piece and will post it as soon as i am finished. I have set a goal for myself to get one artwork done per month. Lets see if it is possible.

I found out about a week ago that i am going on line up to Kaoshuing TAIWAN at the end of January. This will be my first line up in a country where people do not speak the language. Lucky for me (it is a such a great blessing and has nothing to do with luck) i am going with two of my best friends: Roopa and Lenhert. I just finished a line up with Roopa and i am still looking forward to work with her! This will be my first time working on a line up with Lenhert - i do hope our friendship survives this.

To all my friends in Blog land i would like to wish you a blessed new year.

Wishes for a selfish dad...

2008-12-03T23:46:00.000-08:00

Today is my dad's birthday and i miss him so much.
I miss the times when he would take us to work and let us ride the train with him.
I miss the times when he would pick us up in his embarrassingly big old car.
I miss the times when he would come and hold me after a scary dream.

Today is my dad's birthday and i miss him so much.
I miss the days when i was 10 years old and he was my hero.
I miss the days when i was 10 and he held my hand wherever we went - protecting me.
I miss the days when he would say that he loved me.

Today is my dad's birthday and i am so angry.
I phoned to wish him a happy birthday - but he didn't care.
I phoned to tell him i love him - but no love was there.
I phoned to tell him i miss him...that i forgive him...
I phoned in vain as the love that was once there is...i dunno where!?

So dad...here i sit with tears in my heart and streaming down my face.
I miss you and i love you.

the result of the not-so-nice email

2008-11-24T19:54:00.000-08:00

So a few weeks ago i wrote about this not-so-nice email i received from a friend back home regarding one of my drawings. I was shocked, uninspired and ready never to draw again....that was until i turned the anger and hurt into fuel. Jip shell and mobil and all the fuel companies will phone me soon...hahahah
Anyway. Here is my drawing. It is not finished yet because it is taking forever...cross hatching is not really the quickest way to draw. :-)

So here it is:

A panoramic view from our appartment

2008-11-24T00:28:00.000-08:00

Singapore sleeping at night...mmm

singapore in pictures part 2

2008-11-24T00:14:00.000-08:00

Above: A storm brewing...this is also part of the view from our apartment.
Above: Line up team baking in the sun...and yes...that is matching outfits you are seeing!
We were actually waiting to send the teams out. Their pick up arrived an hour after this picture was taken. We didn't smile at that time...

Above: Line up team looking for the ship at vivo city. It was obviously not there! I will post a picture of the ship in VivoCity as soon as it gets there!

Above: Maybe if we try looking in colour that might help.

destruction of a mother

2008-11-23T23:49:00.000-08:00

How do you handle someone who stabs you (or someone close to you) in the back? Someone who turns the church against you? Someone who seems to be so nice but turns into a nasty not nice person when could be money involved.
What to do lah?
Forgive? That is something that God needs to help me with...i just don't get why people would destroy other people like this. Why a Christian would behave like this?
Can someone please explain?

truth on a tshirt

2008-11-17T01:45:00.001-08:00

the ship is HERE...well here but not here...it is hanging around with some other oversized cargo ships in the open seas. For some reason i do not yet know and don't think i will understand, they have not allowed the ship to come alongside and berth in the shipyard. Many reppurcussions and extra stresses but this is what line up is all about.
I was looking forward to seeing my BEST friend today...but guess that will have to wait till tomorrow. Typical line up life: "here is the problem - now go deal with it!"

I saw a t-shirt the other day...pretty cool phrase written on it, it said:
" Let me drop everything i am doing and sort out YOUR problem."