i am a statistic...

As many would remember I am a comfort eater. Right now I am comforting myself with a nice piece of limited edition mint crisp tart flavoured Cadbury’s chocolate. I need it... I can’t face my friends for fear of them telling me that I am over reacting. Once was enough. The girl didn’t even know me, my family or where I come from! As I am brand new on this ship I know only a few people. My ‘hartsmater’ is not here so I have nowhere to go and cry and let out my sadness.
Therefore I find comfort in the arms of God and my good friend Cadbury. You see I just returned from furlough. It was not the nicest or most encouraging furlough one could ask for. Actually it was but when I look back I only see the dark cloud covering all the happy memories. My dad...
Matters back home are not what I would call ‘happy’ or ‘civil’. My parents were constantly fighting and even considering a divorce. I always clung to hope. Hoping that my dad would wake up and smell the rooibos. Hoping that I would come home and we would be the family sitting around the table, praying, laughing...loving. But no! Hope has left my heart and is to be replaced by heartbreak. My parents will be divorcing and my dad has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with us! A clean break he calls it! What a load of crap! I just spent the last 26 years of my life trying to win his love just to have him step on it time and again. This is it...Today was the last day I cried this much over him. Everything in me wants to give him a piece of my mind and make him understand how I feel. I want to give him his clean break so that this heartache can one day stop. BUT...how can I just let him go when I don’t even know if he believes in the Living God? How can I let him step out into darkness and never again let God shine His love through me to my dad? This is probably why I am crying so much! My red eyes silently scream that something inside is not right...no one knows me well enough to ask. Jesus you are here and You see how much i am hurting. Please LORD, help me find peace and heal this aching heart.