One thing I am sure of, two I regret...

Update time.
I am on day 12 of the challenge…and I am being challenged - there is no question of that. Yesterday morning I got up at 05:30 in order to be ready at 06:00 to go walking. Yes…that early because I couldn’t sleep as the excitement was just too much. (But I will deny that if someone asks!) So at 06:00 we met in the lobby and marched down the gangway, out the port gate, along the seashore. It was such a beautiful walk. I was listening to some worship music and appreciated seeing God’s handiwork up close. The ocean was vicious as the waves crashed against the rocks. The sky changed colour every other minute. Every step was different. I walked, full throttle (!), for the whole hour. Yesterday around 16:00 I started to regret that decision. This brings me to my Biblically inspired title. This is the first of my regrets. Today I am not puffing up the stairs…I am moaning! Every step hurts! To be honest the regret will not last long. I feel alive, energetic and healthy. (Again I will deny this if anyone asks!) And the big part…I did not die!!! J

The second regret comes in the form of a decision I made. I have recently had a batch of honest water or something. I can’t seem to keep things in anymore and I feel the need to be truthful. This can be dangerous! So I confronted a friend last night. We have been joking around for months and my magnet heart decided to get attached. Before it stuck I wanted to make sure that this was serious and not a joke. So I, Liezel, the shy non-confrontational soul, invited him for coffee last night. (I got permission from the ‘authorities’ onboard to have this chat.) So there I was, beating around the bush for one minute and then cut to the chase. As soon as the words left my mouth he was paged and called away. GREAT! The gentleman that he is, told me that this (conversation) was important, but he needed to go because the barge with the freshwater was alongside. DOUBLE GREAT! (Background: Freshwater delivery has been very bad here. We have had periods without freshwater and sometimes wondering when the next shower would be. So yes…this was more important). He promised to go and connect the hose and then return to finish the conversation. I sat there. Alone. Only my thoughts to keep me company. I started to write some poetry in my head. (I’ve fallen in love with this form of expression lately!) An eternity later someone told me that there was telephone for me. It was him. I had to go down to the bunker station so we could continue this conversation there. I went even though everything in me yelled ‘ABORT!! ABORT’ I was a woman on a mission and nothing was going to stop me…
So there we sat. The shy girl and the gentleman. We talked and talked for another eternity. To make a very long theatrical story short, he just wanted to be friends. The comments were just jokes – he meant nothing by that. (Calm down bruised heart.) We talked some more and decided to get to know each other better. But the damage had been done. From now on it would just be ‘awkward’. I hate awkward. (Hence the FB status!) If I wanted awkward I would go home and have tea with both my parents, at the same time, in the same room!

The third part…the thing that I am sure of is that this season is the challenging one. The oven to my clay. The storm to my ark. The fire to my samurai sword. It is not as easy as it looks. I have had moments of failure when I just wanted to feel better and convinced myself that the box of Turkish delight would do it. (Like last night after the conversation. I was happy to have defined our friendship but sad at the awkwardness that lay ahead). I am finding it hard to stay true to my new ideals. I am not on a diet. I am simply evaluating what I am eating and my reasons for doing so. Like now…I am hungry, sad and frustrated. The hunger suggests that I eat something. Valid point. But the sadness and the frustration is driving me to find comfort in the arms of the nice smelling cookie. (I have not given in yet…and I pray LORD that You will help me overcome this.) Through this challenge I want to crave God. I want to desire Him and His love like I desire and crave the cookie, like I desire the love of my ‘lewensmaat’ who is out there…

 

So friends…this is day 12.