Song for Today: Beautiful Day

Today marks the beginning on the road to restoration. I have had enough of the over-eating. Enough of the negativity. Enough of the distance. Enough.

Today started at 05:30 when I went walking. Powerwalking. I will be paying for it the next few days. But I can already feel the difference. MY attitude is sunnier, my food choices are more careful and my body aches! J Tomorrow morning we will do the same…

Why the title? Well this is such an awesome song which beautifully summarizes my day so far. It IS a beautiful day, do NOT let it get away!

one year

I have been dreading this day for a weeks.

Last week I didn’t want it to come.

The weekend it was the big mountain ahead of me.

Today I am struggling to maintain the façade.

One year.

Three hundred and sixty five days.

Fifty two weeks.

Litres and litres of tears shed.

A single year…it feels like 20 but also just 2 days.

So far I have made it through the day without crying.

So far…

I feel like this little fact should be something to be proud of.

But I am not.

I don’t want people to know how much it STILL hurts – after a year.

I want to be strong.

For them,

For me.

In my heart I know that Oupa is in a much better place.

I just miss him so much…

 

I want to say something to finish this post on a profound note, but all I can muster up at this point is knowing that God will get me through this next year too.

 

 

Yet again...

I realise that I have not been posting for a while. Thanks for asking and inquiring if all is well. It was not. It took me a very long time to work through the death of my beloved Grandfather. I am still not 100% over it. Just last month we would have celebrated his birthday…I spend the day before it crying my eyes red! This month reminds me that it is a YEAR that he has been gone. A year that I have missed him so…a year that he has been with JESUS! That brings me comfort.

So I did not post as I was in a very dark place (hence the dark backgrounds). With my creativity comes a very sensitive emotional side. My emotions led me to a dark and depressed state. I stopped drawing, stopped writing and stopped blogging. I went home on furlough earlier this year and literally sat around doing very little. I slept, cried and beaded. Wait…that is a half truth. I also ate…I ate a LOT. I ate when I felt sad and when I felt more sad.

I now find myself in that good old familiar (and to put it bluntly) fat state.

I am overweight – again.

I am comfort eating – again.

I am making promises to Mondays and seeing them go – again.

 

And I am FED UP with it.

 

I mean I am turning to food and NOT God…food has become my idol. How lah? After I had worked so hard…God had worked so hard through me. Here I am a betrayer…an Israelite infront of my golden calf!

I want to change! I need to change!