Yet again...

I realise that I have not been posting for a while. Thanks for asking and inquiring if all is well. It was not. It took me a very long time to work through the death of my beloved Grandfather. I am still not 100% over it. Just last month we would have celebrated his birthday…I spend the day before it crying my eyes red! This month reminds me that it is a YEAR that he has been gone. A year that I have missed him so…a year that he has been with JESUS! That brings me comfort.

So I did not post as I was in a very dark place (hence the dark backgrounds). With my creativity comes a very sensitive emotional side. My emotions led me to a dark and depressed state. I stopped drawing, stopped writing and stopped blogging. I went home on furlough earlier this year and literally sat around doing very little. I slept, cried and beaded. Wait…that is a half truth. I also ate…I ate a LOT. I ate when I felt sad and when I felt more sad.

I now find myself in that good old familiar (and to put it bluntly) fat state.

I am overweight – again.

I am comfort eating – again.

I am making promises to Mondays and seeing them go – again.

 

And I am FED UP with it.

 

I mean I am turning to food and NOT God…food has become my idol. How lah? After I had worked so hard…God had worked so hard through me. Here I am a betrayer…an Israelite infront of my golden calf!

I want to change! I need to change!