Part 2_It is hard

Since posting part one i have been wanting to write about this subject. Yes, dry dock life is hard. I sweat more in this dry dock time than what i do combined the rest of the year. There is no aircon which means i stick to the desk. The paper sticks to me, my shirt sticks to me everything sticks to something. My skin is so irritated by the constant dampness that it is borderding on the heatrash others are experiencing. But this is not really what i wanted to post about. For the past few days i have been in a foul mood. My job is creating more stress than blessing and i am getting to the point where i just do not care. I am sad at the fact that i can cruise along on auto-pilot very easily. Yesterday after fighting in my head with some biLastg shots, i was ready to pack my bags and go. They want to do my job for me...i say let them. They think they can do it better...great. I vented, i shared with my very humble and patient leader how i felt. Last night i heared some bad/sad news last night. It breaks my heart that i can not be at home to comfort my sister, or cry with my mother or even just sit with them. They are going through this all by themselves and i am here...far away. To make matters worse my heart is silent...no art not inspiration...just silent. This afternoon during our daily lunch time devotion, the ship's doctor had an opportunity to lead it. He shared about the making of a sumo sword. As i listened it became clear what he was getting at. The steel needed to go through all the tough times in order to become the sword. Then he said some words that changed my outlook on the whole 'difficulty' issues. "Don't waste your sorrows." It is so true. I was here sitting and regretting all teh pain i had gone through during this VERY trying and difficult year. Now, after hearing this message (which i had heard from so many other speakers in different forms) i am looking at all the sorrows seeing how God is using them to help me. He is growing me. I do not always understand why it is happening...dont think i need to...now i can just take comfort (again) in the fact that God will use these sorrows to create the mother of all artworks with my life. Pray that i will not waste my sorrows by becoming despondent, depressed or swing into the moody bunch that always complain. I want to be joyous, even when the fire comes!