i am a statistic...

As many would remember I am a comfort eater. Right now I am comforting myself with a nice piece of limited edition mint crisp tart flavoured Cadbury’s chocolate. I need it... I can’t face my friends for fear of them telling me that I am over reacting. Once was enough. The girl didn’t even know me, my family or where I come from! As I am brand new on this ship I know only a few people. My ‘hartsmater’ is not here so I have nowhere to go and cry and let out my sadness.
Therefore I find comfort in the arms of God and my good friend Cadbury. You see I just returned from furlough. It was not the nicest or most encouraging furlough one could ask for. Actually it was but when I look back I only see the dark cloud covering all the happy memories. My dad...
Matters back home are not what I would call ‘happy’ or ‘civil’. My parents were constantly fighting and even considering a divorce. I always clung to hope. Hoping that my dad would wake up and smell the rooibos. Hoping that I would come home and we would be the family sitting around the table, praying, laughing...loving. But no! Hope has left my heart and is to be replaced by heartbreak. My parents will be divorcing and my dad has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with us! A clean break he calls it! What a load of crap! I just spent the last 26 years of my life trying to win his love just to have him step on it time and again. This is it...Today was the last day I cried this much over him. Everything in me wants to give him a piece of my mind and make him understand how I feel. I want to give him his clean break so that this heartache can one day stop. BUT...how can I just let him go when I don’t even know if he believes in the Living God? How can I let him step out into darkness and never again let God shine His love through me to my dad? This is probably why I am crying so much! My red eyes silently scream that something inside is not right...no one knows me well enough to ask. Jesus you are here and You see how much i am hurting. Please LORD, help me find peace and heal this aching heart.

Doulos update

For those wondering what happened to the Doulos, here is a link that explains it:

http://weblogs.dailypress.com/news/local/shipsandportsblog/2010/03/doulos_officially_handed_over.html

Oh yes its true...i am back in the Motherland

Greetings from the land of meat and rugby. No i am not talking about Australia or New Zealand!
I am so happy to be home again. Since landing about a month ago, i have enjoyed 3 braais (the English version being BBQ - but all Africans know it is not the same thing!). So yes, my meat intake has increased to a satisfactory level. I have watched a few rugby matches and decided that i need to watch more as i am not use to the adrenaline rush anymore. I actually missed the game where the Sharks beat the Highlanders this weekend...i was upset for a second but went on to enjoy my best friends company! :)

So yes, since being back home i have done many things. Here is a quick update:

On the 14 of March Magda and i went to Cape Town to visit three dear Doulos friends. Emma and Daniel got married last year and this was our first time meeting them as a married couple. It was such a lovely time. I enjoyed watching seeing a healthy relationship and we had many laughs catching up and listening to the 'how they met'story. (I sorta had a hand in it...so it was fun remembering again.) The Monday we met up with Seelan, Carlien and little Tessa; Nigel and Holly and Tannie Nellie - all ex-Doulos. Oh my gosh...i fall under the Ex-Doulos category now! I just realised that.
Anyway, on Tuesday i met with a lady from my College days. She is also one of my prayer supporters and it was just so nice and encouraging to talk with her. Afterward we strolled through Stellenbosch, bought postcards, took a thousand pictures and stood amazed at how overwhelmingly beautiful God created the Stellenbosch area.
Wednesday was the day i saw Table mountain for the first time. Emma and Magda took me to the V&A waterfront and i took about 50 pictures of the mountain. I know for some it is a shock...me never being to Cape Town. But i know i would not have enjoyed it or appreciated it as much when i was younger. The area is so rich in history and spectacular in beauty. After an hour we drove back to pick Daniel up and then had lunch at Tygerberg.
Thursday Magda and I drove from Stellenbosch to George. Again, my camera worked overtime as the mountains continued to lead us to George. You must understand that here in Randfontein we do not have mountains...we have a heap of sand from all the mining excavations. The closer we got to George the chillier the air got. Some friends in New Zealand say it is 'fresh'.
Friday i went to many beaches with Magda and had my first fish and chips meal since being home. I can still taste the salt and vinegar. OH SO GOOD!!!
Sunday i returned home to mommy and sussie here in JHB.

At the moment i am busy helping out with the preparations for the Church's Vacation Bible School. God brought me back in time to paint the 10 banners, design the fliers and draw all the little badges. I am enjoying this creativeness so much and didn't realise how much until i started drawing yesterday.

On top of this my mother is turning 50 tomorrow and i worked on a picture frame filled with many funny pics of my sister and i. After putting it in the frame and putting the little nails back, i turned it around and saw that the stupid double sided tape didn't hold. So i have to dissemble it and re stick everything again! Great...

I will post some of the pictures from the adventures mentioned above at a later stage... i forgot my hard drive at home (where the expensive connection is). Today i accompanied my beautiful sister to work. It was also my first time as a passenger on the train. (When we were younger my dad worked as a train driver for the government so we use to drive in front with him - today i sat in one of the coaches like a 'normal' person.

Oh joy it is so much fun being home. In 2 and a bit months i will go to Logos Hope. More about that later.

doulos adventure - part 3 (final)

These last few weeksI have spent my time packing hundreds of boxes (no, not exaggerating) and wrapping up huge framed pictures. It has been strange seeing the ship slowly disappear as we take her insides apart.

I am excited about the future because I know that just like all the other times, God has this all figured out. J

 

So here I am, sitting in the computer room on my LAST EVER day onboard the MVDoulos. What an awesome experience it has been so far. I praise God for giving me this opportunity to experience Him in so many different ways. As a person who learns through doing, you can imagine what a huge life lesson my adventures onboard have been. I pray that God will help me to remember all these lessons and to not forget the awesome people I have met on my Doulos journey.

 

Tomorrow morning at 06:00am I will be getting into a huge taxi and head to Changi Airport (Singapore). My best friend and I will be traveling for 20 hours before reaching the Motherland! I have wrestled with my luggage, learning that you cannot put 20kgs worth of stuff in a bag that can only hold 15. It is physically impossible. I tried it! It was funny!!!!!

 

So here I am leaving the Doulos,

I take with me a life impacted by others

A world view exceeding South Africa

Friendships that made an eternal difference

and a soul forever changed.

 

OH BUT WAIT!!!

 

Just before I go, here are my future plans:

On the 19^th of February I will head home for 3 months of furlough, winter and super 14. (So I might not have mentioned that I am a rugby fanatic! Super 14 is a huge rugby tournament between South Africa, New Zealand and Australia – different from the Tri Nations)

 

I will join the Logos Hope in June to be part of their programme team.

 

The adventures continue…stay tuned!

 

Doulos adventure - part 2

I just never had the guts to ask. Whoa… line-up? Four young people go ahead of the ship, arrange all the necessary things and obtain all the needed permissions for the ship to enter the ports. Sure, why not? It was the ultimate challenge to live a life totally dependent on God.

My first line up was in April 2008. Our team of three was sent to Wellington, New Zealand. I knew only 1 thing about New Zealand: they have one of the BEST rugby teams in the world! Being a rugby enthusiast I was super excited about doing line up there and getting to know the culture better. During our line up we were faced with so much opposition. Churches refused to work with us, journalists weren’t interested in a 94 year old ship and no one wanted to sponsor the visit. Surrounded by the loveliest committee (who became dear friends) we were encouraged and urged to press on. We knew through our team verse that God’s presence was with us. We started going to the berth where the ship was going to be and we prayed…fervently.  I learnt that prayer is more than what we think. It is such a powerful, and often neglected, tool! The ship’s visit was a success – although many tend to disagree but i know that God used the Doulos to sow many seeds during our time there.

My second line up was in Singapore. This small developing country (can you call such a small island a country?) taught me about living to please God and not people (Gal 1:10). We had about 8 weeks to line up 22 two churches who would be willing to host Doulos teams for the 2 weeks Doulos was scheduled to be in Dry Dock. God provided and we lined up so many awesome ministry opportunities.

My third line up was in Kaohsiung, Taiwan. In a country where English is not spoken as a first language we had our hands full trying to communicate with churches, governments and printers. I was blessed to be in the team with a close friend and God used him to teach me more about leadership and leading a team. As a team we made so many mistakes but God taught us through it. God gave us the opportunity to invest in the wharf owner’s life, to repair a broken relationship from the previous visit and to challenge many of the volunteers to live a life that makes an eternal difference.

After about 10 days onboard I was sent out on my fourth and final line up, this time as team leader. Great! (Add tablespoon of sarcasm). I always thought of myself as a follower because I am too scared of screwing up as a team leader. (Sooooo much responsibility and such high expectations for team leaders – scary!) Bangkok, Thailand, treated our team very nice. We were blessed with an awesome shipping agent that made my life much easier and we had 2 firecracker ladies that helped us to get into contact with the prominent, important and needed contacts. During this time my chapter on life lessons probably increased by 33 pages! I had the privilege of working closely with the Line Up manager. A man, who I greatly admired, respected and often times feared. He coached me through the whole line up and was ready with words of wisdom whenever I needed it. Together we planned the Princess of Thailand’s visit to the Doulos, a programme that became the most detailed I have ever put together. All the programme experience, all the lessons on being detailed and all the high standards I had learned up to this point…all of it came together in this programme. I praise the LORD for this opportunity we had to be the fragrance of Christ to this Thai nation and its royalty.

The story doesn’t end here, oh far from it! While finishing up the port, I was asked to take over the role of acting Line up manager while Seelan attended meetings overseas.

Probably the most challenging experience I had! They where big shoes to fill and I felt inadequate in more than one way! BUT GOD carried me through and He enabled me to get through these 2 months without jumping off the bow. J

So there I was having done all these crazy things, thinking life could not get any better when I was asked, by the new Director, to take on the role of Programme Manager – again it was one of my heart’s desires that only God knew about. After praying about it, I had peace that this is what God wanted me to do.

October the ship sailed into Singapore, almost a year after I did line up there, it was my first port as Programme Manager and also my last! A few weeks later we found out that the ship could no longer continue its ministry due to the age of this old vessel. If we wanted to we could have spent millions to get her up to standard again but it would have been too much. It was a sad day, but we know that this is God’s will.

I look back at my time onboard Doulos with great joy. I had seen God work in ways I could only dream of. I met people that forever impacted my life. I grew in more ways than sideways! I found myself here…

God has been so good to me here. I am not saying that is was all rainbows and ice cream. Oh no! I have had some tough times onboard but through it all God remained the constant.

 

There is a famous Christian song that helped me during many times during my 4 years onboard:

 

Blessed Be Your Name

In the land that is plentiful

Where Your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

 

Blessed Be Your name

When I'm found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name

 

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

 

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

 

Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me

When the world's 'all as it should be'

Blessed be Your name

 

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name

 

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

 

- end of part 2 -

Doulos adventure - Part 1

This will be my last entry from the Doulos. Here follows the journey so far…summarized J

21 January 2006 my family and I entered the Johannesburg International Airport. As the glass doors opened so I could enter, I remember seeing someone else entering at the opposite side of this tunnel-like entrance. She was a young lady, about the same height as me and also dressed in what can only be described as a missionary’s outfit. Both of us where modestly dressed so that the elbows, knees, neck area and ankles were covered. We made eye contact and I knew then that she was also going to the Doulos. It sounds strange I know…but this was one of those God-moments I will never forget. This moment was the beginning of one of my most treasured friendships!

Magda and I, together with 2 other South African ladies, said goodbye to our families and entered the departure hall. As soon as I was out of my mother’s sights I broke down in tears and hugged magda. This was my first time leaving the country, first time on an airplane, first time to be away from home for longer than a month! I hugged Magda and we picked up our hand luggage and boarded the bus that took us to the airplane that took us to Abu Dhabi where we were introduced to the MV Doulos.

After 2 weeks of safety training we drove to the harbour in Sharjah where the Doulos was docked. My thoughts were captured by the scenery that flashed passed the bus windows. The first time I saw the ship was unbelievable! Walking up the gangway, being greeted by 300 crazed strangers and walking into my walk-in-closet-cabin was all a blur of excitement.

I spent the next 6 months learning the ins and outs of the Doulos Kitchen (ship term: galley) before becoming a shift leader. During my time as shift leader God taught me so many lessons about working as a team. Valuable lessons that I later applied in some of my other adventures onboard. I had the opportunity to work with an awesome chief cook. He took the time to teach me little details like the correct way to sharpen a knife, how to chop vegetables without losing fingers and countless other details that helped us to become better galley-workers. Did I mention that he was also my ship’s dad?

His high standards and constant striving for excellence encouraged me in the next department I worked in.

February 2007, after spending a year in the galley I moved to the Programme Department. The Programme Department is responsible for organizing all the onboard events. We have teams of people flying out ahead of the ship (we call them line up people) and they go and try to determine the spiritual needs of the country and as a programme team we try to put together programmes that cater to these needs. I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT! Okay maybe not every single minute. J  We did have some difficult ports but here I had the opportunity to let my creative juices flow. As a behind-the-scenes person I had the chance to be part of the ministry to the public by putting together the programmes. My favourites were the out-of-the-box programmes, like the one where we shared the Gospel through a movie-themed night! Awesome! My leader at this time taught me so much about focusing on the purpose of the programmes and she helped me to develop my eye for detail. My passion for programmes was definitely influenced by her love for it!

After spending many months here, the Programme Manager asked me to take over the responsibility of planning I-nights (biggest onshore event). This is basically a programme that involves about 100 crew members and we get the opportunity to share the Gospel or to challenge the audience for missions. The audience varies from 250 to 2000 people.

Up to this point in my life, it was the biggest thing I had ever done. I spent many nights crying on my bed, praying that God would use ‘my’ little programme to bring glory to Himself. I prayed so hard during these times and I saw God reward my faith and trust many times over.  During one of these I-nights everything went wrong. I was standing backstage crying (it’s what we girls do!) wondering how bad this really was. Next moment the speaker is challenging the audience to renew their commitment to following Jesus and to get involved in missions. It was as if God’s arms and hands where reaching off stage and stirring the hearts of everyone there. I was amazed and humbled. I learnt that night that God is in control, no matter what I think, or how bad I think things are!

In this season of I-nights and stomach ulcers (not really but almost! J)  I was asked to join the Line-up department, something I wanted to do since joining Doulos.

- End of part one :) -

It doesn't get any clearer than this...

Proof that the ship will be scrapped...they are cutting up the gangways!

more meetings...

This week's sketch is of the Book fair Manager Johann Zandbergen.

i have a date!!

Funny how some words find new meaning here on the ship. Take the word 'interesting' or the word 'special'...never will i be able to understand them in the way the dictionary writers intended!

Lately the phrase: 'Do you have a date yet?' has nothing to do with a person from the opposite gender accompanying you to a special event or romantic evening. It now has everything to do with the time and date you will leave the the ship.

I got my date today!!! Magda and i will leave on the 19th of February 2010. So many things to do still...

As my emma friend reminded me time and again:

'Don't count the days, make the days count!'

Time for art...

I always work on my art in periods of excitement or intense depression...

Here is my latest piece.

(Front)

The picture is of my dad. I am posting a pic from the front and then one from the back. I was done with the front and just needed to erase the pencil marks. As i turned the page to start on a new one, i saw the light shine through and was amazed at how much i preferred the back!


(Back)

My whole visual Diary is a series of incomplete artworks and as a professional procrasinator i am thinking of calling the series 'unfinished'.

Let me know what you think of the dad-heARTworks...

Another planning meeting and therefore another drawing

This really is a tool to help me concentrate!

Every line helps me to remember what we talked about. :)

So that is 3 down... 8 more to go.

A few months ago i drew one of the Chief Mate, its in my journal and i still need to take a picture of it. Will post it soon.

Okay i am off to finish packing the last of the Programme Room boxes.

PS: Left is Dominic Bothello - Chief Engineer
Right is Shirley Booth - Training Coordinator (This drawing is a little exaggerated)

vegetarian?

Each Friday i am blessed with a 'Friday Bad joke' email from a good friend in New Zealand.
This week's opening joke was a great quote that made me laugh for a few minutes.
Everyone who knows me knows that i love my meat (being South African and all!) and Vegetarianism is not something i understand (except when it comes to pork...cannot eat that stuff!)

Here is the quote: (special shout out to my brother Daniel!)

"VEGETRIAN? I think that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter.'" - Andy Rooney